The Adventures of Tuxboy!
by BobCat
Summary: Co-written with Slouthsoul! In this story, a man from our world must deal with the task of replacing one of the most ridiculed anime characters in history... Tuxedo Mask! In other words... a self insert fic with a twist!
1. Chapter 1

The Adventures of Tuxboy!

or

"I Was a Teenage Bishounen!"

By BobCat and Slothsoul

* * *

Note from BobCat: This story owes greatly to several fics I have recently reread after many years. Carrotglace's Insertion and Benjamin Oliver's Nuke 'em Til They Glow, specifically. It was also inspired by Skysaber's My Gilded Life, which Slothsoul read and I haven't gotten to yet. These stories reminded me that fanfiction wasn't all m-pregs and Snape/Hedwig slash fiction, a lesson I had forgotten after years of absence from the fanfic scene. They also reminded me of the fun of mangling anime. Hence the fic you are about to read.

The philosophy of this story is as follows. A good self insertion fic gets its fun from the fact that you have somebody running around who knows what's going on before it happens. However, there are two tendencies among good self insert fics. The first is that the self inserted character is often an order of magnitude more powerful than the other characters in the story. Now this is fine for Insertion and Nuke 'em; in fact, a lot of humor is derived from the sheer overwhelming superiority of their parody Mary Sues. However, it's overdone. The second pattern is the tendency to overdo it on the crossovers. For instance, take Insertion. It's an excellent fanfic, but at this point, the story is more Sailor Moon and Dragonball than Ranma ½.

So while rereading these stories, the thought occurred to us: why not intentionally nip that sort of thing in the bud? Let's take somebody who knows what's happening and shove them into the story, but put them in the lower tier of powers and see how much of an impact they can have by messing with stuff. Let's also make sure that the story stays fairly focused on the series in question.

And with no further adieu and talking about other fics, let's present OUR story, shall we?

* * *

**Chapter 01: …This isn't Metropolis.**

In the Not Too Distant Future, Our World

"I still don't get any of this," said Chase Hunter Carlson. He was a large man in height and girth, though he was still in his early twenties. Chase was glancing around the office nervously, as though the answer to his question was floating in the air around him. "I mean, I thought this was all just virtual reality and junk. I don't understand all of this talk about alternate realities."

Chase's search was abandoned when the bearded man behind the desk started to speak. He was fairly well dressed, though a bit unkempt. He had the look of a man who had been on his feet for too long without a good rest. He also looked annoyed. "Well Mr. Carlson, I don't know what you were told when you came here, but this is not just 'virtual reality and junk.' We here at Feldman Immersive Travel got our start in VR cruises and the like, but we've come a long way since then. Didn't you read the ad? The words 'virtual' and 'reality' don't appear once!"

Chase scratched the back of his head nervously. "I just saw you were doing product testing on some new technology. I have some time off from school, but I couldn't really afford to go anywhere. I figured, why not?"

The bearded man grinned. "I bet a paid vacation sounds like a nice break from kegstands and coeds, eh?" Chase frowned a bit at this. He couldn't quite tell whether the man was being sarcastic. Either way, Chase felt teased. "Well, let me break it down for you. Do you happen to be a physics major?"

"Uh no, actually. I'm in Philosophy, though I'm not too far into it yet."

"Ah, a major in 'would you like fries with that.' Nice career move there, Slick."

Chase frowned. "Do you always poke fun at your customers like this?"

"I don't see a customer. I see a guinea pig who couldn't be bothered to read the forms he signed. Here, let's get you to the lab and I'll explain on the way." Chase was becoming more and more annoyed, but he really needed the money. He wasn't sure what his guide thought the college lifestyle was like, but it was less 'kegstands and coeds' and more 'top ramen and all nighters'. Chase kept his mouth shut and listened. He had read through the papers he had signed. He just hadn't understood all of it.

"So you see, kid, Feldman Immersive Travel is always looking for new ways to enhance our customer's experience. We provide a valuable service. After all, a poor man can't afford to take a three week vacation to see the Taj Mahal. He can, however, take a day off, go to one of our facilities and plug into a virtual reality version of it. But it isn't as good as the real thing. Not by a long shot. That's all that keeps the real tourism industry alive these days. Or at least, that's what the board of directors thinks. I swear, they wouldn't understand the value of authenticity if it poked them in the eye. So our research and development has been at work coming up with a way to cheaply get the customer something just as good as the real thing. And you're the last stage of clinical trials we need before we get to unleash this new product on the market. This means we've worked out a lot of the bugs before you hook your brain up to it. Aren't you feeling lucky?"

Chase coughed politely. They had just entered a room full of what appeared to be coffins. Chase recognized them as Virtual Reality chambers. The bearded man was outpacing Chase by quite a bit and was leading him to a door in the back. "Uh, that doesn't answer my question about how it works. At all."

"I'm getting there. Sheesh, kids these days. Anyway, we're using some exciting new breakthroughs in string theory. But since you seem to have decided that you'd rather use reason instead of data to learn things, I'll dumb it down a bit. Basically, there are an infinite number of universes out there. In that infinite number exists every possible universe. Also, we have found that the laws of physics often differ a lot from world to world. This means that pretty much anything you want to find exists out there somewhere."

Chase was starting to get mad. _Sheesh, I've been on this guy's payroll for all of fifteen minutes and I already feel like I need a vacation. _"How does that help?"

"Well, it involves a lot of math and science, but basically we can transmit your mind into the body of someone living in one of those universes and you switch places with them. We keep your body, with their mind, unconscious and on life support until you get back. Right now we're setting it for three days. Meanwhile, you get to go nuts and live a real world vacation without the hassle of leaving your home town!"

Chase said, "But aren't there all sorts of philosophical and moral issues inherent in this? I mean, aren't you playing God in peoples' lives?"

"Don't try and turn this into your department, Slick. Right now, we don't care about moral implications. We care about 'does it work without killing people.' Leave that to the philosophers."

"But I am a…"

"I meant the philosophers smart enough to understand what they read. Ah, here we are." The two were in a room dominated by a large machine. It was a large cylinder set into the floor. It was made of dull grey metals and there were strangely shaped prongs projecting from it on all sides. "Don't look at those too long. They're third dimensional equivalents of fifth dimensional shapes. It'll give you a headache."

Chase was getting less and less comfortable by the moment. His guide's demeanor and the sheer weirdness of what he was about to do were starting to get to him. He thought long and hard about his options. Chase sadly concluded that he had none. The main part of the employment contract he had understood was a stiff penalty for canceling it early. All his thinking did was make him miss the guide's question. "Huh?"

"I said, where do you want to go? Remember, you can go pretty much anywhere you like. You can even go to other points in history. Wanna go meet Plato or something? I'm sure you'd like that, Mr. Philosophy."

"I don't speak Greek."

"That isn't a problem, actually. For just that reason, we designed this thing so that the language portions of the brain don't get overwritten when we transfer a person. When you get there, you basically speak every language they speak and nothing else. So waddaya want, Hercules?"

"Do you have to be so… gruff?"

The man smirked. "It's a union thing. I get fifteen minutes off every four hours and I can treat guinea pigs any way I want. Plus we have a pretty sweet dental plan. Now, you gonna answer me? My fifteen minutes start pretty quick."

Chase thought for a moment. It was tempting to meet a famous historical figure. However, he quickly realized that meeting a famous historical figure could mean traveling back to a country that was going to get sacked by Mongols or whatever. He didn't know his history well enough to plan around that sort of thing. No, he was testing something new and that was enough danger. He might as well protect himself. "You said anything, right?"

"Yes. Yes I did." The bearded man was starting to lose the somewhat jovial edge to his banter.

"Could I be, ah, Superman?" Chase felt a little silly.

"A popular choice." This encouraged Chase. This probably meant that it had been done before and successfully. "Alright then." He tapped a few buttons on a control panel near the large cylinder. "Lay down on that table. We'll hook you up in a minute. For now… well, you can't be conscious when you make the jump. We're gonna have to give you an anesthetic."

"Why's that?"

"We're about to rip your soul out of your head and shove it across time and space into someone else's head. We don't know what that would look like or how you would perceive it, but the monkeys in the trials that we didn't knock out tended to come back a little, how to phrase this politely, shell shocked."

Chase's eyes flew open. He had noticed a few cages earlier. He hadn't noticed that they contained rhesus monkeys, about half of which were rocking back and forth while in fetal positions. "Anesthetic would be lovely."

"Night night, princess. Enjoy your time off from goofing around!" As Chase went under, he made a mental note to be more careful about what he signed in the future. Also to punch out that technician as soon as his brain was back in his head.

* * *

It was a bit anticlimactic, really.

Chase hadn't known what to expect, but he had seen enough sci-fi shows to have it ingrained into his head that things like dimensional travel usually involved pretty flashing lights, thunderous sounds and the on-and-off feeling of being torn apart and pulled back together that resembled oh-so-clearly the feeling of losing your virginity.

In the end, Chase had only closed his eyes. A literal second later (at least to him) he opened them again and near darkness greeted him.

A dim light was the only thing that gave him an idea of his surroundings.

He was in a room, as far as he could tell. Which gave him a whole new set of worries.

"…I swear to God, if I sit up only to find out I'm short a kidney, I'm suing." Chase muttered. His voice sounded a bit high-pitched, maybe he was still groggy?

Chase lay on the ground for several more moments, finding the ceiling to be particularly interesting for some reason. Upon further inspection he realized that the dim light from before was actually coming from a window with its curtains drawn.

Finally, after deciding to wreak unholy vengeance on his current enemies who had wronged him, Chase struggled to his feet. His body protested balefully at the movement, and his head was none too keen on it either, but he managed to stand up and take one shaky step.

And then promptly collapsed on his face.

"OW!" The boy groaned, rubbing his nose and sitting up clumsily. "What just happened?"

He looked around, a useless effort with so little light, and then felt his surroundings until he found something (a nightstand, maybe?) and used it to push himself to his feet.

Chase experimented with a couple of more wobbly steps before he was forced to hold on to the wall to avoid falling yet again.

_What the hell? This isn't drunken wobbliness, my balance is all wrong!_

"…Ok, the kidney thing before was just the crazy musing of a groggy madman, but I'm seriously starting to worry now." Chase muttered, feeling around his side for a scar.

He paused.

Chase wasn't wearing a shirt, but that didn't worry him. There was no scar either. There was a LOT of other things that weren't there as well.

Never having been one to fool himself, Chase knew he was fat. And he was comfortable with it. He wouldn't have minded losing a few pounds, but he wasn't going to lose any sleep if he didn't. Especially if he didn't feel like trying.

Hey, he was an American, after all.

But that was the point: He was fat.

Not anymore.

His waist felt thin, with a vague subtle feeling of recently-refined small muscle. Nothing like what he remembered.

No wonder his balance was off.

"…Holy…"

What followed was a rather pathetic and hilarious display as Chase all but threw himself at the curtains, somehow managing to stay on his feet despite the numerous close calls. It was impressive, in a way, and he _did _make it to the window.

The curtains were flung open.

Mistake.

"ACK!" Chase cried as he shielded his eyes from the burning light and staggered back, falling on his butt.

Numerous obscenities followed.

"Damnit…" He muttered, blinking away the wetness. It was light enough now to look around.

It was a small apartment, nothing special or worth mentioning. A bed, a night stand, a desk, a closet and a mirror. It was comfortably messy and lived-in, with clothes and books scattered.

_This is a bachelor's pad._

Chase glanced at one of the books. _Pre-Calculus 101? Crap. Here's hoping I don't have to do this guy's homework… this is supposed to be my spring break!_

Shrugging, he stood up, noticing as he went that the unsteadiness was not as bad as before. At least he was getting used to…

…This body.

Looking down, it was obvious it wasn't his. He really _was_ thin. It was even more unsettling to see it rather than feel it. Humans are like that; seeing is believing.

He was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else, his skin wasn't any darker than it had been, but of a slightly different hue. He lacked body hair for some reason, and it only accentuated his modest muscles.

Another thing, he realized as he brushing his bangs out of his eyes, was that he didn't use to have black hair.

"…No way…" Chase finally said, a small grin forming on his face. Superman had black hair, after all. Things were looking up.

He rushed to the mirror (sloppily, but at least there were no more close calls) with a couple of long strides and was greeted with the image of…

…A complete stranger.

"Huh?" Chase blinked.

A young man with Asian features stood on the other side of the mirror, with the same confused expression he had. One of the first things Chase noticed was that the guy was _unbelievably _pretty. Clear, brown eyes and smooth skin that lacked imperfections with black, clean-cut hair falling over it in a formal fashion. He even seemed to give off a gallant aura, confusion aside.

He looked entirely too girly for his comfort.

He also wasn't Clark Kent.

"What the hell?" Chase asked, raising his hand to touch his face. Had something gone wrong?

…Or maybe everything was fine? It wouldn't exactly be farfetched to think that things would look differently in real-perspective rather than the ink-and-paper viewpoint provided by comics.

_Maybe this is what Clark Kent would look like in the real world?_

Chase stood thinking for a minute before glancing at the nearest wall. He seemed to come to a decision as he marched over to it. With almost no wobbles too.

"Alright." Chase said, taking a deep breath and trying to relax his muscles. "Alright. I can do this. Just a test run. I can do this. …Ok."

And then he kicked the wall as hard as he could.

"……AAAAOO**OOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUTCH…!!**"

…Ok, so he wasn'tClark Kent then. So much for that theory.

"SON OF A--!" Chase cursed, hopping around the room with far more grace than he displayed walking. "ARGH! OF ALL THE STUPID--! DAMNIT!"

He finally hopped over to the bed and dropped on it. He sulked for a couple of seconds, rubbing his foot.

_I should have known, damnit! _He growled. _Of course I'm not Superman, he may not be as fat as I was, but with all his muscle, he HAD to have weighed more than me, so I wouldn't have had so much trouble keeping my balance! _He fumed for a couple of more seconds. _…Of course, I could have been Superboy, I guess. But that's out too now. …Probably a good thing, if I WAS Superman, that kick would have brought the building down. I can't believe I didn't think of that until now._

"So now what?" He finally said. Who the hell was he?

He looked around for a couple of seconds, and then at the sky.

"Er… Hello?"

No answer. He had no idea what he was trying. The technician hadn't said anything about any way to contact them if he needed to.

"…Mister… …Er… Well, I don't remember your name. But… I think something went wrong. Can you hear this?"

No answer still. It was vaguely embarrassing to be speaking like this.

"Damn." Chase finally said, giving up. Then he remembered the words of the abusive technician.

"_We keep your body, with their mind, unconscious and on life support until you get back. Right now we're setting it for three days. Meanwhile, you get to go nuts and live a real world vacation without the hassle of leaving your home town!"_

Chase frowned. "I guess there's nothing I can do till then, huh?"

Sighing, he decided to at least get to know his surroundings. Which was just an excuse for him to get some air, but it was valid. He raided 'his' closet for something to go out in.

It didn't exactly help his situation.

"…Apparently, I've swapped minds with a gay Asian porn star." He mused as he stared at all the tight-fitting clothing and formal pants. Whoever he was seemed to like to dress formally or flamboyantly. Closer inspection revealed some more casual shirts that were various patterns of pastel colors. He had been joking when he first looked at the closet… but the gay porn star theory was starting to look plausible. It certainly explained his looks. "What's wrong with some jeans damnit…"

He grabbed a shirt and some pants at random and slapped them on quickly, before checking for shoes. Of course, there were only dressing shoes, no sneakers. They all looked recently polished too.

It was all too freaking perfect. "Oh for God's sake. This guy's a neat freak." He glanced around the apartment, noticing the mild mess of the apartment once again. "Oh even better. He's only a neat freak when it comes to his clothes. I just hope that he doesn't have a boyfriend."

Annoyed, he grabbed the nearest pair of shoes and went to the door. He caught the sight of the math book he had noticed before.

Debating for a second, he picked it up.

As he thought, it was in Japanese kanji. He hadn't noticed it before, he had just read it out of reflex. He probably only noticed it now because he was looking for it. He flipped a couple of pages and stared at the kanji.

He could read it just as easily.

"…I guess I _do _get to understand whatever language this guy did…" Chase muttered. He also noticed, now that he was listening for it, that all of his muttering had been in Japanese. This probably meant he was in Japan right now, and not in the body of an Asian-American.

He idly wondered aloud if he could still speak English.

Obviously, no answer came. _Note to self. When I get back, tell them that there needs to be some way for us to communicate. _

Sighing, he set the book down and walked off. He needed a beer. He just hoped he was old enough to get one.

* * *

Wandering aimlessly isn't fun. At least, Chase didn't think it was.

Without something to keep his mind on, Chase's stomach (or the guy's stomach or… he was just going to think of it as his stomach, since it would make things simpler) was noisily reminding him that it was almost ten in the morning and it hadn't been given a breakfast. Fortunately, whoever it was had been no stranger to long walks, judging by the fact that he'd been at it an hour without any real fatigue. Chase was also getting used to his new center of balance and had only fallen over twice during the excursion.

Huzzah. Things were looking up.

He had managed to find out that he was in Tokyo, in the Juban District, according to the signs. The district name struck him as oddly familiar, but he couldn't place it. Aside from the information from the helpful street signs, he was just as blank as he had been back in… 'his' room. Passing by another burger joint in his walk, his stomach grumbled in protest.

"Quiet you, there's nothing I can do about it." He growled.

In his haste to get out and walk around, he had forgotten to check if he had a wallet. Or a car. …Or his house keys. He could only hope he had forgotten to lock the door too.

"This absentmindedness better wear off after I get used to this place…" He muttered. "Ah, who am I kidding. I forgot stuff like that all the time back home."

How could he forget his wallet? Aside from the money he could have used to get some food, there was probably _some _form of ID in it. He could have solved his most pressing mystery by just taking the time to read a little card.

_Argh. Frustrating… _He grumbled, turning around a corner.

And then the crumbled-up paper struck his head.

"Hey!" He cried in surprise as it bounced off of him and rolled on the ground.

"Oh! Sorry!" A female voice apologized nervously.

He turned to the girl, not really mad. By this point, he was expecting a black cloud to randomly appear over his head and rain on him.

"It's no pr…"

Chase stopped. He took a long, hard look at the girl.

He felt his mouth dry up completely as he took in the sailor uniform. It was nothing special, just standard for schoolgirls like her. The girl looked about 14, maybe 15. He guessed that she was pretty to guys her age, but to him she looked like a girl who would grow into her looks eventually. She had blonde, unrealistically long hair tied into two bun/pigtails and blue eyes that shifted nervously under his stare. She was also blushing.

Chase stared at her for a couple of seconds more before his eyes fell on the ball of paper that had hit him.

"…30 point test…" He muttered numbly.

The girl let out a gasp as her blush deepened with child-like irritation.

"Hey!" She protested, rushing over and picking the test up before shoving it back into her briefcase. "T-That's none of your business!"

She seemed to hesitate for a second, but then she stuck her tongue out at Chase, rushing off quickly. The question of how he knew the score without opening up the paper crossed her mind briefly, before it was tossed aside in favor of wondering how she would keep her mother from killing her.

Chase watched her disappear into the distance with the same numbness that comes with dawning horror. He turned his head to the building in front of him.

Jewelry OSA∙P.

His eyes fell robotically and stared at his reflection on the window.

He recognized who he was now.

"…Oh crap…"

He was Mamoru _Freakin' _Chiba.

And he was in SAILOR MOON.

For the next THREE DAYS.

"…_**NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!!**_"

* * *

"Heheheheh…" The bearded man from Feldman Immersive Travel giggled, staring at the computer. "…Awesome."

"I guess we start now."

A second figure walked next to him, hunched and yawning. He was wearing blue jeans, a black long-sleeve t-shirt and nothing else; all ragged, worn and baggy. He was a young man with Latino features and tired, dull brown eyes with bags under them. His overgrown black hair was unkempt and fell on his eyes lazily along with a small fuzz on his chin.

He looked incredibly exhausted as he basically collapsed in a chair next to the man, raising his leg up to the table and staring into the screen as he stretched.

"He just figured it out." The bearded man confided with a grin, at ease with the newcomer's peculiar attitude.

The boy gave a grunt of acknowledgement and focused on Chase. "…Cute. How long are you going to stay like that?"

The man smiled easily before his form shifted. He became younger and with no facial hair, his blond hair darkening and becoming a bit shaggy as glasses materialized in his eyes. Gone was the suit, replaced by simple black jeans, a gray shirt, and sneakers.

"Well, I suppose. He's not here anymore in any case." The formerly bearded man replied.

As he finished speaking, the other boy glanced at the area that made up the FIT lab. It wavered out of existence, leaving a normal, poorly lit storage room behind. The screens also remained.

"…How did it go again? 'Discovering alternate worlds while trying to make VR more realistic'?" The boy questioned lazily.

"Come on, Sloth." The older of the two replied. "You and I both know that I made up most of the techno-babble on the spot. I can't even remember it. He didn't understand it either. He just assumed I knew what I was talking about."

Slothsoul shrugged in an uncaring manner. "So long as it keeps me entertained, Bobcat."

Glasses-boy, Bobcat, gave another one of his easy grins.

"Let the show begin."

* * *

To Be Continued!

This is where our story starts. What will happen next? Will our hero get over the trauma? …Not likely. It will be funny though.

Next time: What kind of hero throws freaking roses anyway?!


	2. Chapter 2

The Adventures of Tuxboy

**The Adventures of Tuxboy!**

By BobCat and Slothsoul

**Chapter 02: The Plot Thinnens **

_One good thing about this situation: This body can run faster and further than mine ever could. _Chase had hated wandering aimlessly. Well, he sure as shooting had an aim now: to get back to "his" apartment and find "his" wallet. He was hoping against hope that there was some big mistake. After all… Usagi could have thrown that wadded up failed test and hit anybody. Right? Just because he was tall and pretty and had black hair and was in a Sailor Moon universe didn't mean that he was necessarily Mamoru… right?

Chase knew that he was grasping at straws. He also didn't care because as far as he was concerned, those straws were his only hope.

And then Chase realized that straws or not, he couldn't find them. He'd been in such a hurry to run home that he'd lost his way. He muttered a curse under his breath and backtracked to the jewelry shop. Upon closer inspection, he saw that there were signs promising "80 or more off of all merchandise."

_Huh. That's interesting. Events seem to be shaping up like the real Sailor Moon universe… er, the show… man, this whole metafiction thing is confusing. _Chase amused himself by watching the crazed shoppers fight over the little baubles. _Anyway, things look like they did in the first episode. _That gave him pause. _Wait, I know that? Man, I think Mom might have been right about all that anime rotting my brain. _Fear filled his heart as he realized that he was losing his grip on denial. He quickly quashed his acceptance._ On the other hand, this could all be a coincidence. After all, I'm in the wrong place. I could be in a universe with similar people running around, but no Youma or Dark Kingdom. _Of course, he didn't know one way or the other. _I suppose the best way to figure that out is by exploration. _

With a deep breath, he took his first shaky step into the shop.

As Chase entered, he felt a dark foreboding. This was not unusual. The scene of irate shoppers squabbling over the cheap jewels brought dark images of long trips to the mall with his mother.

"Can I help you sir?" Chase turned to see a middle aged woman, whom he recognized as Naru's mother and the owner of the shop.

"Oh, I'm just looking." He smiled politely and turned to eye a necklace.

"We don't get a lot of men in here. Is this for you or for a lady friend?"

"I'm not seeing anyone, actually." Chase started a little bit when he saw a look of understanding pass over her face. "Hey now! I assure you, I'm pretty, but I'm not gay."

That look of 'understanding' never faded. "Of course not, dear." _Poor boy, he must be in denial._

Chase decided to ignore the shop owner and go back to inspecting the merchandise. After a moment, she took the hint and went to help another customer. _I've never been pretty before. That's gonna take getting used to. _Visual inspection of the necklace wasn't revealing anything unusual. So, he picked it up and tried it on.

Chase almost collapsed as he started feeling light headed. He quickly took it off and returned it to its spot. He didn't think that anyone noticed, as they were too absorbed in their tussles. With an unsure footing, he left the jewelry shop.

Well, not entirely unnoticed. But the disguised Youma mostly thought that he was being shy. _A shame he didn't buy it, but at least we got some energy from him. _

As soon as he was out of earshot, Chase curses filled the streets for a full minute. Finally, satisfied that he had turned the air blue enough, he stopped. "That HURT. Ugh. I feel like I just pulled an all nighter… sonovabitch, the shop IS cursed. But that doesn't necessarily mean…" Chase, already tipsy from the energy drain, was bowled over when a short girl with red hair and a sailor uniform matching Usagi's ran into him at full speed.

"Ow." He was laying flat on his back, slightly stunned. In an instant, the girl was crouched next to him and was shaking him.

"Hey mistah! Ah you okay? Mistah!"

"Ugh… what happened?" Chase said as he levered himself up.

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't lookin' where I was goin'!" Chase thought that the accent was strange, but he recognized her immediately. _Naru. Great. So much for denial. _"Ah you okay?"

"I'm fine. A little surprised, but fine."

A light of recognition went off in her eyes as she got a good look at him. "Oh, I know you! Yer Mamoru Chiba. Some of the girls at school have pictures of yah!"

And so the last embattled remnants of Chase's denial died a brief and bloody death as the weight of evidence stormed the ramparts of his mind and drove them into the metaphorical sea. Of course, he wondered how people had pictures of him… but that was a mystery for another day. "I- I think I've seen you around too. You're… Naru, right?"

"It's Molly." Molly didn't seem offended. "Though a lotta people guess Naru. I think I must just look like a Naru, huh?"

Chase blinked at this. "What Japanese parent would name their kid Molly?" Chase didn't realize he'd said this aloud.

"My dad's American!" Molly said, blushing slightly. "He named me aftah his grandmothah." She seemed oddly proud of this.

Chase said, "Well, I guess that makes sense… might also explain the Boston accent. …I guess."

"What Bahston accent?" Molly looked confused.

Chase just sat there for a moment, blinking. _Who would have guessed that the English dub wasn't full of crap? _Finally, he got back on his feet, dusting himself off. "Never mind. Anyway, I'm fine. Just watch where you're going, okay?"

Molly blushed a little bit. Chase was noticing that he had that effect on people of the feminine persuasion. He supposed there was a first time for everything. "Sorry again, Mistah Chiba. My mothah sent me to get a package. She's just been actin' so strange lately. I thought I oughta get home as fast as I could and give her a hand with the sale." Molly blushed harder as she realized that she was mostly babbling and telling a stranger some rather personal details. She wasn't sure why; he just seemed like a trustworthy (handsome), dependable (handsome) and understanding (teh hawtness!) sort. "Well, uh, I guess I'll see ya around!" She gave a quick bow and ran past him towards the shop.

Chase rolled his eyes and muttered to himself as he made his way back to the apartment. He knew the story he was locked into now, and he figured he needed a quick nap before duty called.

* * *

Chase was back at the apartment dressed in pajamas, lying on his (Marmoru's? Nah, it was his for the next 30 hours or so) bed. Sleep wouldn't come. Fortunately, he was feeling a bit better. He supposed he hadn't touched the necklace long enough to be drained too badly. So, he mostly just thought about the coming night's battle. _It shouldn't be too hard. I mean, all I have to do is climb up onto the roof, throw a rose through the window, say something encouraging, then leave. Easy as pie. _He was amusing himself by tossing a tennis ball into the air and catching it. His main enemy at this point was boredom. _Mamoru doesn't even have a TV. Cheapskate. _

Then the thought occurred to him. _How will I even know when it's time to go? Should I just head over there? I know Mamoru always just sorta blacked out and wound up there, but I'm not him, strictly speaking. _Then a random thought occurred to him. "Do I need to go buy roses? Or a rose?" He strained for a moment, but couldn't recall if Tuxedo Mask could just make them out of nothing. "Who thought that being a useless cheerleader character could be so complicated?"

Chase's stomach growled loudly. "Oh right, no breakfast or lunch. Time to fix that." He opened up Mamoru's pantry and was less than enthused with what he found there. "Oh yay. I can have beef or shrimp cup of noodle. And that's all he has… no vegetables? No meat?" He checked the fridge. "Not even any beer!? Nothing but cup of noodle? Good God, did this guy have NO money? Even I could afford TV dinners and some lemons to fight off scurvy!" He briefly considered ordering a pizza. He quickly decided against it. He was, after all, a "guest." No sense blowing through all of the poor guy's money. He went back to the cupboard. "Beef it is."

Chase set the cup in the microwave and set it for two minutes. After about thirty seconds, it started to smell really good. "Heh, grampy was right. Hunger is the best gravy." Then, with about ten seconds left to go, he started to feel a little faint… and he felt this strong, overwhelming sense that he was needed elsewhere. Moreover, he was being pulled to that somewhere. He crouched down and grabbed his head; it felt like it was about to split open. "Oh son of a…"

Chase was gone when the timer went off, announcing that dinner was served.

It would be long cold by the time he got back.

"I WANNA GO HOME…!"

_Thud._

"Ow… Not a nice feeling…" Chase groaned as he stood up. The feeling of being compressed from all sides into his navel was… new. He almost welcomed colliding against granite in contrast to it as he pushed to his feet.

And… He was wearing a tuxedo. And a hat. And a cape. …And a mask.

"Well…" Chase, or Tuxedo Mask now (cringe), muttered while inspecting himself. A quick glance also told him he was in some sort of stone balcony. "…That's convenient."

"**THIS IS THE END!**"

Chase's head snapped up at the voice, rushing the edge of terrace. He had been so glad to touch ground again that he hadn't given much importance to the fact that someone else had also spoken in unison with him when he had… manly stated (certainly not wailed) that he wanted to go home.

Down on the ground floor, a mad mob of women towered by a demonic figure rushed towards an all-too-familiar girl with gold-pigtails in a sailor fukku. She was, of course, crying.

"Crap! That's my cue!" Chase cursed as he felt around his pants for a rose, quickly coming up empty. "Damnit, I got no…"

Directly next to him, a rose bush decorated the concrete.

"…Even _more _convenient."

Chase quickly snatched one, hoping that his sessions at the shooting range would transfer well into the situation.

* * *

There are many things that will cross one's mind when facing down a group of possessed women lead by a floating monster.

One of them, in the back of Usagi Tsukino's mind, was the fact that maybe it was just the _tiniest _bit stupid to trust the word of a talking cat who randomly gave you magic powers with no explanation whatsoever at face-value. Another was to strangle said cat at first chance.

But the first and foremost right now was… The desire to scream as the demonic hand swoop down on her.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…!" Sailor Moon cried in panic, raising her arms to shield herself.

_SH-LACK!_

The halt of movement was sudden, startling the Senshi into peeking over her fingers. The monster had halted on her tracks along with its small army, all staring at… A rose somehow embedded in the linoleum directly in front of her.

"…Huh?"

The monster (the soon-to-die cat had called it a 'Youma') did a 180-turn of the neck. "Who's there?!"

Sailor Moon followed the thing's gaze. "…Oh my…"

A magnificent picture of a man stood on the balcony, donning a tuxedo, mask and a cape that flowed majestically with the wind. He was simply… Perfect. She could even hear music in the background, fitting of such a… GOD.

Usagi knew how deeply she was blushing. She didn't care. She was his, now and forever.

And then the god spoke, a suave and relaxed melody coming out of his mouth. "My name is…" He seemed to cringe. Sexily. "Unimportant. Sailor moon, don't give up! You must be-"

He trailed off, looking around with a frown.

"…Where the hell is that music coming from?"

Sailor Moon blinked. So did the Youma.

The mystery man ignored them as he rummaged through his clothing. "What the…?" He growled, pulling his cape into view. "A music player sown to the cape?! How is _that_ practical?! What if I need to be stealthy?! My theme song is not even cool! Oh _GREAT _costume design, Takeuchi!" He slammed the cape against the wall.

The music suddenly stopped.

"HAH!" He cheered… Then yelped as the cape suddenly gave off a couple of sparks.

"Umm…" Sailor Moon choked out. Her knight in shining armor wasn't acting very knightly.

The myst—oh come on, you know it's Chase.

_Chase _gave a start at her voice. He seemed to have forgotten they had been there. The youma herself shook out of her stupor, starting to get angry as much as she felt confused.

"Uhh…" Chase stammered, looking down at the girl. "…er, you just gotta believe in yourself!"

"What?"

"…Bye!"

Then he jumped down the window.

The youma let out a snarl. "I will get that fool ye-"

_CRASH!_

"ACK!" Came the muffled voice from the outside. "SON OF A BITCH! How could I forget I was two-stories up?! …Thank God for these bushes."

This all left Sailor Moon worse off than when he had gotten here, really. Everything seemed confusing now, poor dear.

"…Ugh." The monster finally said, turning to Sailor Moon. "You know what, I'm just gonna do to you what I was going to do to him. ATTACK!"

The zombie women jumped at her command with renewed fervor.

"Kyaaaaa…!" Sailor Moon cried, staggering backwards.

Not fast enough: A chubby woman seized her hair and yanked roughly, pulling her into them. The others piled themselves onto her.

"NOOOO…!!" The girl protested, trying to fight them off uselessly, easily overwhelmed. "NOOOOOOOOO….!! LET GO!! I'm scared! …_**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH….!!**_"

Sailor Moon felt the women tense up around her and scatter backwards like rats, cries of protest followed by numerous thuds, the youma yelling something indecipherable in the background. She just kept crying.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"…mmff…!" Sailor Moon managed when the hand clamped down on her mouth.

Her eyes met the irritated look of her not-so-knightly knight, a scowl in his face. Behind him, all of the women had fallen unconscious, groaning. The youma looked winded, but about as annoyed as the man before her.

"I _knew _I shouldn't have stayed to watch…" Chase growled under his breath, holding his head. "Damn, my ears are bleeding? Fantastic…"

"E-eh…?"

"Quiet, head pounding." He snapped. "Why the hell do you only use that sonic attack in this episode anyway?! Do you realize how effective it is?!"

Sailor Moon looked about as lost as one might expect.

"Huh?!"

"Nevermind! Look, just take your tiar-"

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" The chubby zombie roared, suddenly shooting to her feet and diving for Sailor Moon.

SMACK!

"Cut it out already." Chase muttered as the woman collapsed with a large bump on her head. Using his cane as a club might not be glamorous, but you take what you get. "Go pick one someone your own size, tubbo! She's just a little girl!"

"I'm not a little girl!" Sailor Moon protested.

"Who was the one bawling her eyes out five seconds ago?"

"…B-but… That's… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH…!!"

"Stop! Stop! You've got to listen to me, I'm trying to help you!"

"Are those leaves in your hair?"

"Bushes are double-edge swords!"

"ENOUGH GAMES!" The youma suddenly roared with the rage of a woman being ignored, shooting herself at them. "Die!"

"Crap!" Chase yelped, diving out of the way with the blonde senshi.

The monster crashed against the spot they had been in. "You won't escape me!" She snapped, turning towards them. Chase noticed grimly that she was uninjured as she pushed her way out of the wreckage. She didn't even seem to be bothered by Sailor Moon's earlier sonic attack anymore.

Chase and his dim-witted companion gulped.

"Listen!" Chase shouted, seizing the girl. "Grab your tiara and throw it at her, yelling 'Moon Tiara Action!', hurry!"

Sailor Moon looked mortified. "Why do I have to do that?!"

"Because if you don't, you are that thing's meal! How is that for 'why?'" Chase hissed, pushing her forward.

In the time their discussion had taken place, the youma had gotten past all the rocks.

"HAH!" She shouted in triumph.

"Wah!" Sailor Moon stammered in panic as she fumbled to get the tiara off.

And then, upon touching it, everything clicked into place.

Her movements became fluid and graceful as the glowing disk formed and she twirled along with it in a synchronized dance. The disk vibrated eagerly, giving her confidence as her movements snapped to place readi—

"What the hell are you doing all that for?"

The girl staggered, losing her footing. "H-Huh?"

"What's with the dancing?!" Chase demanded. "Just throw it already!"

"But…"

"And you!" Chase continued, turning to the youma, who was standing vacantly on the side. "Why did you just stop moving during all of this?!"

The creature actually looked flustered. "W-well, you see… Uh… …It's only polite, you know…"

Chase stared. "…Polite?! You are a nameless minion out for human energy! Why do you care about that?!"

"How dare you!" The youma retorted indignantly. "Just because I'm a monster, I can't have a proper upbringing? That's a stereotype I'm sick of!"

"Umm…" Sailor Moon started, her tiara still hovering over her hand.

"And I'll have you know, my name is MORGA!"

Chase blinked. "What, really?"

"You are _so _insensitive!" The youma, Morga apparently, said, honest hurt in her face. "I _am_ a girl you know! You jerk!"

"Argh." Chase smacked his forehead, glancing at Sailor Moon. "Will you hurry up and finish her?"

Sailor Moon fidgeted at that. "Ummm… I dunno… She doesn't seem very evil now… And you were kinda mean…"

"Are you _joking_?!" Chase snapped. "She was _strangling _that Naru girl when you got here!"

"I knew it!" Sailor Moon exclaimed as a light lit in her eyes. "Her name _is _Naru! That was mean, insisting it was Molly for so long…"

Chase twitched. "OH FOR CHRISSAKES!" He seized the girl's arm ("Hey!") and flicked the wrist, causing the glowing tiara to soar towards the youma. "MOON TIARA ACTION!"

Morga's eyes widened when it starting burning her before it even touched her.

"NOOOOO…!!" She cried as her end came. "CURSE MY PROPER MANNERISMS…!!"

With a flash, Morga was no more than a pile of dust.

"_Finally…_" Chase muttered.

Sailor Moon just looked grumpily at her knight. The monster was right, he was kind of a jerk. Didn't he know how the shinning prince thing was supposed to go?

"What?" Chase asked, noticing her stare.

Sailor Moon glanced away with a mild blush. Jerk, but hot. What of it?

"…So, what do we do now?" She finally asked, she was still unsure about how these things were supposed to go and the guy seemed more used to it somehow.

"I dunno about you, but I'mma use mah cool walking stick..." He held up the cane for her to see, "to poke that pile of dust. It's just an appealing concept you see."

Chase moved forward to do just that, ignoring the girl's uncomprehending expression. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that a cat was making her way out of the shadows.

_Right, this is my first time meeting Luna, and she's smarter than Meatball Head. I Can't appear too knowledgeable._

Then he looked back ahead only to find disappointment. "Aw! The dust vanished! I forgot it does that."

"Well, not that I -we- don't appreciate your help, but…"

Chase turned back, and then down, to look at a black cat with a fur discoloration in her forehead, resembling the shape of a smile. …Or a moon, he supposed.

Luna continued. "Who are you? You seem awfully familiar…"

Chase stared for a second or two.

And then jumped backwards, startling the cat and her minder. "Oh my god! That cat just TALKED!"

_Perfect!_

"…Huh?!" Luna stammered out before she could stop herself.

"It did it again! Oh my god!" He crouched down and picked up an unnerved Luna. "A _talking _cat…"

The cat fidgeted nervously under his masked stare.

Chase suddenly grinned. "…I can sell it and make MILLIONS!"

That brought Luna out of her stupor. "What?!"

"HEY!" Sailor Moon had finally had enough, stomping over to the pair. "Let go of my cat!"

"_We _can sell it and make MILLIONS!" Chase said in retort, smiling wickedly at the girl.

The offer took her aback. "Wha? …NO!"

She snatched Luna back, glaring at the man with all of her 14-year-old indignant and easily triggered rage.

"Oh come on…" Chase pouted, muttering under his breath. "Stupid magical girls… no concept of money…"

"I can hear you, you jerk!" Sailor Moon hissed in annoyance. He wasn't that hot at all! "Luna is right, who the heck are you?!"

"Me?" It was Chase's turn to stammer, his brain trying to think quickly. The name Tuxedo Mask was just too _stupid_. "Uh…"

Sailor Moon never let up on her glare.

And then Chase took a step back, striking an exaggerated flaunty pose.

His audience blinked.

"I am the Moon Knight!" Chase declared, striking more poses through his dialogue. "Avatar of Cas… no, wait… Ku… KHONSHU! Avatar of Khonshu! The Egyptian god of the moon and… vengeance!… and… and other stuff!"

He struck one last cool pose.

No applause followed his declaration.

Luna seemed to recover first. "R-Really…?"

"Yah, sure why not." The newly dubbed 'Moon Knight' shrugged. It was the best he could come up with on the spot. _Thank you, Marvel Comics. _"Now, my trusty sidekick, let us leave!"

Picking up Luna, he turned to leave.

_That _made Sailor Moon recover. "HEY! Gimme back my cat!"

The Moon Knight faltered on his steps.

"Damn." He grumbled, giving Luna back. "This is a thankless job…"

And then he stalked off to search for the nearest bus stop and was gone. Sailor Moon made a disapproving noise all the way.

"Geez, what a creep…"

It was past midnight by the time Chase got home. The costume had vanished by the time he made it to the bus stop, so at least he didn't get that many odd stares. As far as he was concerned, that was about the only good thing to come out of this.

"Damnit, you pull me out of nowhere to help an underage girl and then I have to find my way back on my own?" He cursed to no one in particular. "What a rip-off…"

He staggered to the ramen cup, chugging down the soggy noodles that had absorbed too much of the water at this point for it to be called soup into his mouth. It was strangely satisfying.

"I hope I don't have school tomorrow…" He muttered, pulling himself to bed. "Wait… It's Tuesday. I totally do, don't I? Ugh…"

He would endure it until he was out of here. Just two more days. Hell, he could probably afford to skip class.

Well, on the bright side, at least he had managed to keep in character in the fight and things had progressed more-or-less according to how the plot was supposed to g…

"…Oh CRAP."

_Damnit, what the hell is wrong with me?! _His mind thought furiously. _I was supposed to… ARGH! …I guess try as I might, Usagi is freakin' exasperating and I snapped. Damn. _Moreover, he knew for a fact that his mother would have screamed his ear off for even half the stuff he had pulled. _Something about being behind the mask makes me feel free... weird. No wonder all superheroes wear them. Ah well, it's all in the past now. I hope I didn't screw up too badly. _

Dun dun DUNNNNNN…!

Chase blinked. "Where is that ominous music coming from?"

DUNNNNNNN…!

"Aw hell, the music player is in my pocket! It didn't break completely?"

DUNNNN-!

_Crash!_

Beautiful silence followed.

* * *

And meanwhile, in the depths of the store's basement…

Molly Baker's as of yet unnamed mom wondered when someone was going to come and save her.

Interestingly enough, you'd be hard-pressed to think of another instance in the series where she showed up again.

TBC!

End Part 2

_BOBCAT: _With apologies to Megami33 and the rest of the Sailor Moon Abridged crew. The "It's Molly" line was too precious not to use.

Yes, we will be using a mix of the Japanese and English names for people and things. It's mostly an arbitrary decision. It's mainly based on what we find amusing.

Also, we hope you enjoyed this one. It wasn't the easiest thing to get off the ground.

_SLOTHSOUL: _...I hate tornadoes.


	3. Chapter 3

The Adventures of Tuxboy

**The Adventures of Tuxboy!**

By BobCat and Slothsoul

**Chapter 03: Brought to You by Murphy's Law**

* * *

As it turned out, he _did _end up skipping school the next day. By the time he woke up, it was too late to go anyway.

His muscles were sore due to the strain of the fight, so most of THAT day was spent in bed, doing nothing but sleeping and wishing for a tv. It was probably a bad way to spend your limited vacation, but at the time it had seemed like a really relaxing idea.

And so another day went by, thankfully without any more actions.

On the third day, Chase finally decided he needed to move eventually. And while 49 percent of his mind disagreed with his logic, he got up and got moving bright and mostly early.

…Not to school, though.

_My own classes back home are quite enough, thanks. I'm on spring break. _Chase thought as he slipped into a new pair of formal pants. The urge to use Mamoru's money to buy NORMAL clothing was becoming overwhelming, why would anyone want to always look like a stiff going to a gala event?

Nevertheless, with what was little more than a day left, he could endure.

Yesterday had been more exhausting that he could have believed, the strangeness of it aside. Up close and personal, youmas did look horrific and frightening. Even Morga's voice had been like hearing nails against a board.

Chase guessed it WAS quite different in a real-viewpoint than in a tv screen. More proof of it was that Usagi looked like a 14-year-old to him a lot more now than it had back home. It only made her look very awkward in the revealing outfit she wore as a senshi. That had never been a problem in the anime.

Sighing, he put on his shoes and moved to the door.

He stopped once to look at his cane, leaning on the corner of the room. It had been the only thing in his costume that hadn't vanished. That was probably important somehow. So, Chase did what he did with everything important: he tied a brightly colored ribbon around and it put it next to the door.

_Mom always said I should start wearing a bandanna or else one day I'd forget my head in the morning… _

It occurred to him that he could need it. After all, Tuxedo Mask could be called into action at any time. After debating whether to take it with him or not, he decided it could be a problem for later. The show had never specified it, so he didn't know how long it would be until he was needed again, but he didn't think there would be a youma attack once per day. He had a bit of free time, at the least.

If he was lucky, it would last until it was time for him to go.

He walked out the door, no destination in mind other than not wanting to stay home all day.

* * *

"I should probably at least buy a watch…" Chase muttered, looking around in hopes of spotting a clock.

It was probably around 3 pm.

He found that out when the wave of middle-schoolers almost rammed against him, probably on their way home. Boys and girls mostly ignored him, celebrating their temporary freedom.

…And paying little attention to their surroundings as one bumped against him. He grunted slightly and staggered, managing to keep his feet. The transgressor wasn't so lucky.

"Owie!"

Chase sighed at the female voice, looking down at the fallen Usagi. Maybe it was fate or something.

"Sorry!" Usagi said, rubbing her forehead without looking up.

"Ya ok?" Said a heavily accented voice, as her best friend came to a stop next to them.

"I think…" Usagi responded as she glanced at Chase.

"It's no problem," Chase said steadily. "I've seen you two around before, right? Usagi and Naru, is it?"

"Molly." Molly corrected with practiced ease and a smile.

Chase blinked. _That's STILL weird. _"Ah… Well, um, just be careful next time, ok?" He said, extending his hand to Usagi.

For some reason, Chase just couldn't bring himself to openly mock Usagi as Mamoru. Probably because of how much he berated her as the Moon Knight. Guilt takes one far.

Usagi took the hand and was raised to her feet apprehensively, avoiding his stare.

She remembered him.

"Oh," Chase began, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I… er… had a lot in my mind and the paper just sort of surprised me, is all."

Usagi blushed. "Oh. It's ok, I'm sorry about that too, umm… umm…"

"Mamoru Chiba-san." Molly supplied helpfully, looking between them with a wicked smile. Chase frowned at the practiced ease she also showed when speaking his name. He remembered something about pictures…?

"Chiba-san." Usagi finished, smiling at him.

"No problem, Usagi-san." Chase nodded smoothly. She just blushed further.

"Is something the matter, Tsukino-san?"

Chase looked up to see a boy of Usagi's age in school uniform and thick, bottle-end glasses. He had brown, somewhat spiky hair with no other features worth mentioning. He wasn't bad-looking so much as the ridiculously big glasses ruined his appearance.

_Gurio Umino. _Chase realized._ …Or is it Melvin here?_

"Oh. No, Umino." Usagi replied, with noticeable annoyance. "I was just apologizing to Chiba-san for bumping into him."

"Ah." Umino replied, turning to face Chase. "Well, we should probably hurry home."

_Oh right…_ Chase remembered with amusement, unfazed by the challenging look he was receiving. _Umino likes Usagi at this point. He won't end up with Naru/Molly for a while._

"OI!" Molly protested smacking him in the back of the head. "Stupid, yer ruinin' the mood."

"Eh?"

Wait, mood?

"Oh!" Usagi suddenly said, looking mortified. She turned to Chase and bowed apologetically. "Sorry to keep you Chiba-san, I need to get home!"

And then she ran off.

"Geez, y'see?" Molly growled, smacking him again. "Ya embarrassed her!"

"B-but…" Umino stammered.

"Let's go, ya moron!" Molly snapped, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him away. "See ya around, Mistah Chiba!"

And off they went as well.

Chase stood there for a couple of seconds before shrugging and walking off.

…Then freezing.

"Wait, isn't she supposed to hate me?"

_I'm just no good at this, am I?_

* * *

Elsewhere…

The Gates of Time! The last physical remnant of the Moon Kingdom and the only noteworthy thing on Pluto. The Domain of one Setsuna Meioh, better known as… Sailor Pluto!

Hers was a lonely task. Alone among the Senshi, she survived the fall of the Moon Kingdom. For millennia, she had sat, observing the flow of events through the Time Gate. She had spent this time working towards one goal: the rebirth of the Moon Kingdom as Crystal Tokyo. She had spent a great deal of time and energy diverting events and navigating the complicated streams of chaos to ensure that Crystal Tokyo was the only possible future. It had taken a great deal of time, but it had been successful.

Or so she had thought. "What is this?" She peered into Time Gate, bringing up the image of Mamoru Chiba. "Things are not proceeding as they should…" Usagi was supposed to be pining after Tuxedo Mask and angry at Mamoru. Things were backwards.

She considered intervening. It would be fairly simple to show up, intimidate him and tell him to shape up. However, it would be risky… it would not do to tip her hand too early. So, she decided to perform a little test, just to see how he would respond.

* * *

Chase felt a chill run up his spine. He wasn't sure why, it being a nice and sunny day. "Eh. Probably nothing."

Once again, he found himself wandering around. This time, it was with a purpose. He figured that he might as well take in the sights of Tokyo.

_After all… this is a virtual vacation. No reason not to absorb some of the local culture. Well, aside from the fact that Mamoru is a penniless student. So… I guess I'll be taking in the local culture of this neighborhood. _

An hour of wandering revealed that the local culture of the neighborhood consisted almost entirely of girls in sailor uniforms and the local arcade. He wasn't much interested in the first due to the whole age thing, so he had opted for the second.

Unfortunately, being penniless meant that he had limited number of plays. He allowed himself five, figuring that that wouldn't break Mamoru's bank. Out of curiosity, he had picked the Sailor V game. The show had always made it look like the controls were random and the graphics were horrible. He had reasoned, however, that it must have been the animators cheeping out. Usagi wouldn't come in to play such a bad game every day, right?

Apparently, Usagi had no taste in video games. Sailor V really had a gun and items just appeared out of nowhere, and pushing the buttons had random and contradictory results.

"What the… I know that licensed games about cartoon characters usually suck, but COME ON. This is RIDICULOUS." He paused as he tapped the fire button a few more times. "How am I still winning? And how the heck am I getting a high score?" Finally, the Sailor V sprite died a pixilated death as some badly animated spaceship killed it with a badly animated raygun.

As Chase typed in a name (he picked BOB this time. Neither Mamoru nor Chase really fit in three letters), he heard a voice behind him. "Hey man, I didn't think I'd see you here today. What's going on?"

Chase swiveled the chair about and saw Motoki. The blonde man was not dressed in his customary apron. Chase found this a bit odd and he would have liked to keep contemplating it. However, he had more nerve wracking things to think about… such as how exactly he should be acting.

"Oh, hi." _He and Mamoru go to school together, I think… it's been a while since I thought about it. Better play it safe. _"Not too much. Just thought I'd waste a little time here."

"You weren't in Calc today. _Or _yesterday."

Chase frowned slightly. "Uh, my alarm didn't go off."

Motoki gave him a strange look. "On _both_ days?"

"Pesky little machine."

"…Wait, Calc's at noon."

Chase's face fell for a second. "I've been having trouble getting to sleep lately…"

Motoki nodded, understanding. Chase wished he knew what the blonde man understood. It was one thing to pretend to be Mamoru with new people… but these two hung out a lot. Motoki would notice anything weird, and that knowledge was making Chase freak out a little bit and act weird.

Chase hated vicious cycles.

Motoki didn't seem to notice the look of nervousness that crossed Chase's face. Or if he did, he didn't show it. "The dreams again?"

Finally, something Chase knew about! "Yeah… that one where I'm dressed in some… Tuxedo or something. And there's someone there that I know is important, but I just don't know WHO."

Motoki said, "You know, man, you might consider talking to a therapist or something. If the dreams are getting you that tired…"

_Oh yeah, a therapist would LOVE to hear from me. 'You see, I think I'm a gaijin named Chase who has read about your world in a comic book…' _"I'll think about it. So, you off shift?"

Motoki nodded. "Yeah." A playful smirk crossed his face. "Y'know, I just got the new Sailor V 3D game, and the multiplayer's pretty good. If you have time, you could come…" Motoki paused. "Crap! I have my Geology test tomorrow! And it's already…" Motoki glanced at his watch, his eyes getting very wide very fast. Motoki said a bad word. Chase was almost surprised; he hadn't expected the easygoing arcade employee to know that particular word. "10 PM!? I gotta go!" He was gone in an instant.

Chase called out, "Some other time! Good luck!" He silently thanked the gods of homework for giving him a boon instead of a curse for once and decided to make his way home. _I'm only in this world for four more hours. Might as well not risk running into other people who'd notice that something's up. _He briefly wondered why he cared. _Oh right, I'm a wuss who doesn't like conflict. _

As he exited the shop, Chase glanced around nervously. The last few days, it seemed like he couldn't leave a store without getting rammed by a teenage girl.

He smirked as he saw that the coast was clear. "Hah! Looks like the curse is brok-" And then he was hit from behind and flopped down on the hard concrete.

* * *

"There we are," said Sailor Pluto. It had been a simple matter to adjust the flow of time at Molly's house to make Usagi late getting home that night and to time it out with Mamoru leaving the arcade.

There were consequences, of course. Motoki had lost three hours of study time to her machinations. However, getting a C instead of an A on a test was a minor thing compared to the security of Crystal Tokyo.

"And now to sit back and watch."

* * *

Chase did not believe in horoscopes, so he had not checked his in the paper that morning. If he had, he would have noticed the rather curious warning of:

**-You will be repeatedly rammed by teenagers in a hurry.-**

Ah, there but for the grace of reading newspapers goes him…

When Chase was sensible again, he levered himself up into a sitting position. And there was ol' Meatball Head, looking slightly stunned herself.

Chase muttered, "What the… packs of Japanese schoolgirls roaming the streets, attacking defenseless male college students? Sounds like a Monty Python sketch."

Usagi finally cleared her head and noticed Mamoru sitting there. "Oh no! I-I'm so sorry!"

Chase got to his feet. After a moment of consideration, he had an attack of manners and helped his assailant up. "What are you doing out so late?"

"I was at Nar… Moll… you met her! Brown hair and an accent? Well, I was at her house, and I swear the clocks are acting funny! One minute it's 6 o'clock and the next it's ten! I'm three hours late and Mom's gonna kill me!" Tears started welling up in the young girl's eyes.

For a moment, Chase began readying a stream of snarky comments. Then, he stopped himself as he had another attack of manners.

Instead, he responded, "Ah, I see." And then he had a particularly acute attack. It bypassed his brain and took over his mouth. "Look, it's late, and you shouldn't be going home alone… how about I walk you?"

Usagi stopped tearing in an instant. Now she was positively beaming. "Okay!" In an instant, she was at his side and looked to be contemplating latching onto his arm.

Chase sighed. _Great, she thinks this is a late night date or something. Ugh._

As they walked towards the Tsukino residence, Chase marveled at Usagi's talent for making him feel uncomfortable. He also cursed his repeated attacks of manners. _Stupid mother, raising me right. There shall be reckoning. _

* * *

Pluto angrily tossed a bag of popcorn at the Gate of Time. "What the hell!?" She had been expecting quite a show. Instead… he had been the very image of politeness.

It was all terribly out of character.

It was also trouble.

Pluto grabbed the Time Staff. She had a visit to make.

* * *

"Fortune teller, you say?"

_Looks like the second youma is approaching. Good thing I'm out of here tomorrow._

They were nearing Usagi's house.

"Ah… Yes!" The girl blushed, remembering. "He… said some nice things…"

"_There's a man that likes you right now. And it's someone you see all the time."_

Usagi blushed further. She was certainly seeing a lot Mamo-kun as of late…

"Well, they _would_ do that; otherwise they wouldn't get a lot of returning customers," Chase reasoned, noticing how she deflated slightly at that. "Don't tell me you believe on that stuff, Usagi-san!"

He suppressed a grin at how she cringed at that.

"I-I know it's dumb…" She muttered in humiliation, moving towards her fence.

Chase groaned inwardly. _Great. Now I feel like a bully._

Sighing in resignation, he continued, "Usagi-san. You make your _own _destiny."

The blonde paused by her front door, turning to look at him. Chase smiled, doing his best not to be visible from front door. No sense making her parents panic that she was out late with some college student; they'd have plenty of time for that when the real Mamoru came home.

Hence the smiling: the awkwardness was almost over. He could go to sleep and he'd wake up at home, his strange little vacation over.

"Remember that, and believe in yourself," He finished smoothly.

Chase was then almost blinded by the literal gleaming smile Usagi broke into.

"Thank you so much, Chiba-san!" Usagi beamed, "I _will _believe in mys… Hey, that sounds familiar!"

Chase almost fell on his steps.

"Uh… gotta go!" he declared, before breaking into a hasty walk.

Usagi stood there for a couple of seconds, a bit confused.

She smiled softly, going into the house. "It sounds so much nicer when Mamo-kun says it."

Who needed a fortune teller? Mamo-kun believed in her, that's all she needed to know!

As Chase considered his situation on the way back to hi… Mamoru's apartment, he decided that it had been a good vacation. There hadn't been a cloud of mosquitoes like every fishing and hunting trip he'd ever been on. He hadn't had Montezuma's Revenge like last spring break. Sure, he wasn't bringing home any souvenirs and he wouldn't dare talk about his experience with anyone (maybe when the technology went public… **maybe**), but how often would he be paid to go to Japan?

Chase decided to forgo dinner when he got back; he saw no reason to endure another container of alleged food. He flopped down into bed. Chase said, "Well, it was a little fun, at least. Got to see new places and people, and walk a mile in another man's dress shoes." He was just glad he would be walking the rest of his miles in his own shoes. Sleep claimed him while he was in these good spirits.

* * *

Once again, piercing the veil of creation with his soul brought no sensation to Chase. He awoke groggily and decided to rest his eyes a moment before sitting up.

When he did open his eyes, they bugged out of his head slightly. "What the hell?"

This was not the F.I.T. laboratory. This was Mamoru's apartment.

Chase said a bad word. This was followed shortly thereafter by a few of its brother bad words, until the air was thick with a whole family reunion of curses.

Finally, he managed to curb his desire to curse. Well, mostly. "WHY THE HELL AM I STILL HERE?"

TBC

End Part 3

* * *

_SLOTHSOUL: _It would have been a terribly short fic if things had been that simple.


	4. Chapter 4

**

* * *

**

The Adventures of Tuxboy!

By BobCat and Slothsoul

**Chapter 04: News from Hans Benjamin!**

* * *

"Ok."

Chase closed his eyes.

"Ok."

He opened them again.

…He was still there.

"…This is bad."

He was out of bed and looking out the window before he knew he was standing.

Suburban Tokyo greeted him.

He shot a glance at the mirror. Still a gay Asian porn star.

"Oooooooooooooh crap…" he chanted, pacing back and forth, "ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap. What happened?!"

No answer. Of course.

"Didn't I learn from the last time I asked the heavens for answers?" he muttered dejectedly… Before shaking his fists at the sky. "EVEN THOUGH THIS IS OBVIOUSLY _ANOTHER _OF THEIR SCREW UPS! THIS IS _NOT_ CUSTOMER SATISFACTION! SHOULDN'T YOU PEOPLE BE DEALING WITH THIS?"

He looked around again.

"…WHY AREN'T I HOME?!"

The answer was so depressingly predictable there's no reason to go over it again.

Chase's mind ran through all the possibilities he could think of. Maybe it wasn't the exact time yet? No… the clock told him it was actually over an hour after he had arrived on the first day, damn he had overslept. Prank? The bearded guy did seemed like the kind of jerk to do that, but that would get him in trouble… Malfunction? Well _no freakin' duh_, but how exactly? And how dire was it?

It probably hadn't been a good idea to volunteer for testing from a corporation he had never even heard of, now that he thought about it…

He made a mental note to read everything he signed from now on. Including those little internet agreements that nobody ever reads.

"…What the hell do I do now…?" Chase muttered softly, slumping on his bed.

_Grooooowwwwllll… _

…Breakfast. Right.

He stood up numbly and headed for the kitchen.

Good, safe breakfast. It would be particularly sweet since he had foolishly skipped dinner the night before. His mother had always told him that hunger was the best gravy. The old lady knew what she was talking about.

Breakfast was something he could control. No one could tell him what to have for breakfast! _Or _when! Who cared about the time!

He was the KING of breakfast!

There was no way breakfast would betray him with unforeseen problems he could do nothing about but wait anxiously for answers!

* * *

"STUPID RAMEN NODDLES!"

The cup soared through the air before hitting the wall… where it bounced off, fell to the ground and rolled a couple of inches, utterly denying Chase the satisfaction of seeing it shatter to tiny pieces.

Gotta love styrofoam.

Chase gave the cup a filthy look. He had forgotten that Mamoru was a college student, therefore irreparably broke. Nothing but ramen cups.

"I," Chase growled, "am eating eggs for breakfast today, AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!"

Screw sensibility. With all the crap he's had to deal with, getting his own breakfast with someone else's money was the least he could get in return.

He all but tore his tidy jacket while putting it on and started for the door. He made it as far as the doorknob when he faltered on his movements, suddenly aware of the strange smell his nostrils were being exposed to.

The way his day was going, he momentarily entertained thoughts of it being a gas leak that would quickly result in his painful death. But… It wasn't gas. It was different, more like…

"Mamoru Chiba."

Ozone?

"GAH!"

Chase almost fell on his face in his haste as he twirled around to face the newcomer. _I am SO graceful today…_

Long green hair and a black-themed sailor fukku greeted him. A tall woman with tan skin and of sophisticated beauty blinked at him in slight surprise at his reaction. She was carrying a long, metallic staff that bent into a heart shape at the end.

"Salior P…!" Chase began, managing to catch himself before royally screwing up… further. "…S-Senshi! Sailor Senshi is what I said!"

Sailor Pluto straightened up and peered at him. Her intense gaze was making Chase wonder if he had been too late in his oh-so-clever correction.

"You… remember your time as Tuxedo Mask?" Pluto finally asked, carefully.

Chase found the woman downright frightening. She hadn't exactly done much in the series, but much had been suggested about how she could rival Saturn if she ever took part of a fight.

_Yes, this is just what I needed right now, great timing to be had here… God, why me, this can't all be coincidence!_

"…Er…" he began, trying to think of the best way to sound innocent, "…it's Moon Knight… actually…"

The Sailor of Time and Space frowned slightly. "Yes, that is part of what I'm here for," she muttered under her breath.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind that," Pluto replied evasively, "I'd tell you not to be afraid, but you obviously have some idea of what is going on. I am called Sailor Pluto. It is my duty to guard the Gates of Time, which you may or may not know of. It is for that reason why I came to see you today, Mamoru."

Chase gulped: He knew where this was going.

"Listen to me, Mamoru," She began, "I was entrusted with observation of the flow of time, to understand and record its true nature…"

…Crap, she knew he wasn't really Mamoru.

_Of course she knows, you moron! She's the Senshi of Time, she probably knows what brand of underwear you like! _Chase thought, frantically going over every possible scenario that didn't end with him being erased from existence by the woman in front of him.

It was a short list. Because there were no scenarios he could think of that didn't involve erasure.

"And lately, there's been some irregularities," she leveled him a firm stare. "Around _you_."

_Crap! _"W-Well…"

Pluto pressed on, "Don't make this difficult. I know everything you have been up to. Now I want to know WHY."

Chase opened his mouth, a half-formed lie already in his mind.

She cut him off instantly. "And do not think you can lie to me, Mamoru. The Garnet Staff can detect lies." She suppressed a smirk. It really couldn't, but she found that telling people that it could made this sort of thing go much more smoothly.

Chase felt his mouth go dry as he fell for it. _What the… they never mentioned that in the show!_

"L-Look, it's n-"

Pluto sighed, "So can you please stop being a spoiled teenager and clean up your act?"

…_Huh?_

Chase's mind halted all the hastily-made planning it was undergoing to get himself out of this one and blanked out at the words. For a couple of seconds, he was at a loss for words.

So he decided to word his very fitting thoughts.

"…Huh?"

"Oh don't give me that. I know how you children are, always trying to be rebellious and cool and trying to go against your nature!" Pluto rolled her eyes, "Kids never change. Once it won't destroy causality, I'll tell you about some of the Moon Princess' phases."

Chase gaped. _Oh my god she doesn't know!_

"But really, this is destiny we are talking about, Mamoru!" Pluto chided. "You can't just decide to go all willy-nilly on it just because you want to be childish! You have to stick to your part! I know this makes no sense to you right now, but you'll see soon. You have a role to fill!"

By this point, Chase had already successfully tuned her out, nodding absentmindedly like a moron in his elation. She didn't know. He wasn't about to get erased. She… did she just say 'willy-nilly'? …Well, that doesn't matter, 'cause she doesn't know!

"…face your responsibility, ok?" Pluto was saying. "…Mamoru?"

Chase started, "huh? Oh! Right, yes, changes are bad, yes… yes, well… you know, changes don't _have _to be bad, I mean… I think I'm doing well."

"…Changes aren't exactly bad," The time Senshi started patiently, as if speaking to a child, "small changes are fine; time-reading is not an exact magic after all. But it's the drastic changes that can alter the flow of destiny. Like the things you've done lately. You were supposed to mock Usagi Tsukino for one."

"I thought you said you didn't want me to be childish and immature."

"Right."

"…But you want me to make fun of a 14-year-old girl."

"No. Yes! …Wait," she said, visibly sorting out the contradictions. "What I mean is that you are _meant _to make fun of her! You are not being childish at all then, you are fulfilling your destiny."

"But I can always do my 'destiny'," Chase began, lips pursing at the word, "with a different approach. It doesn't matter in the end, right?"

Pluto seemed taken aback by that, "I… …Yes, it does! You just have to do it the right way or the plan could collapse! That's the way causality works!"

"But what if my way works too?"

"You are not the one to decide that. You aren't qualified or informed. I am."

Chase smirked, amused. "Rigidity is not always good, Setsuna."

"I'll have you k…" Pluto trailed off, blinking. "…How did you know my name was Setsuna?

Chase's blood ran cold. _Aw, damnit._

He really needed to stop getting careless when he had the upper hand. "Ah… Well, y'see…"

Sailor Pluto stepped forward, peering intently into his eyes. "…Just how quickly are your memories resurfacing?"

Chase blinked.

_Seize it, you fool!_

"Ah! Right, guess you caught me… I, uh, actually remember a lot of stuff about my past life. …Yeah." He muttered lamely. "…Yep, that's where I'm getting all this convenient info."

Chase inwardly winced. He probably shouldn't have added that last part.

"…How much do you remember?"

"Er… Enough?"

Maybe it was his imagination, but a look of morbid dawning seemed to flicker on Pluto's expression for a second. _Crap, don't tell me I've been caught already._

"That's… interesting," Pluto allowed.

"Is it…?" Chase asked nervously, not sure what to say to that.

"It doesn't really change the fact that you should abide to your role, Endymion."

Chase groaned, enough was enough. "Listen, lady, that's great about destiny and I'll get right on that. You don't have to worry about it anyway, I'm leaving toda…"

He trailed off.

Wait, he was still here. That was the problem since before this whole mess.

_Groooooooooooooowllllllllllllll…!!_

And no breakfast yet either.

"The King of Breakfast is not pleased…" he muttered under his breath.

Pluto blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Uh, no, nothing. Listen, I appreciate you coming out here and everything, and it has been nice catching up, but I gotta go out, ok?" He walked to the door. "I need some air to think…"

"But I still need to talk to you about what you need to do!"

"Fantastic then," Chase said, rubbing his temples, "just stay here if you want, I'll be back soon and then you can tell me whatever you want. Help yourself to whatever's in the cupboard. I, on the other hand, need real food. I'll be back later."

"But…!"

"Take care now!"

And then he left. It was a bit rude to just walk out in mid conversation. In his defense, he really _did_ have a lot in his mind, coupled with nothing in his stomach.

Pluto let out an annoyed sigh, settling down on the nearest chair. "Teenagers…" _I could follow… but it's probably best to let him get it out of his system._

* * *

"A plate of your finest scrambled eggs and French toast, good sir!" Chase declared, slamming a hand on his table and adding, "and a cup of coffee too."

His waiter looked up from his pad with a weary glance. "Isn't it a little late to order breakfast, sir?

"It is never too late for breakfast," Chase was starting to draw the attention of other customers with his loud statements, "so decrees the Breakfast King!"

The waiter gave him a strange stare before sighing and walking off, muttering something undecipherable about early drunks.

As soon as he was gone, Chase's grin vanished and he groaned, burying his face in his hands. This was _some _fine mess he found himself in… After leaving the apartment, mostly in his haste to get away from Pluto, he realized that he couldn't even begin to figure out a way to find out what was happening. He didn't even understand the basic science behind how he had gotten here.

He had ended up walking around endlessly and ultimately stumbling into this restaurant, a vague voice in the back of his head reminding him how good and reliable breakfast was. He just had never fully grasped how important the meal was. Silly him.

Of course, by the time he had gotten here it was almost 5pm, more than 2 hours since he had left the apartment, but by thunder, he WOULD have his breakfast!

Chase waited, people walking past him constantly, entertaining thoughts of the omnipotence necessary for just forcefully tearing his way back home and counting the polished tiles on the floor.

He blinked.

Reaching down, he grabbed the crumbled-up piece of paper under his table and examined it curiously.

A 10,000 yen bill.

Chase felt his eyebrows lift as he checked if it was real. He had no clue whatsoever, but it sure _looked _real. "Whoa."

"Sir?"

He looked up. His waiter was back, carrying his coffee on one hand and his food on the other.

"Uh…"

Chase looked at the man's questioning stare, then at the money and then at the food.

He grinned truthfully this time. "You know what? You were right; it _is _too late for breakfast. I'll have the steak and lobster dinner instead!"

The waiter's stare turned into a glare as he looked closely at his customer.

"And leave the coffee," Chase finished.

The man's glare intensified, looking down on Chase with suspicion. "…Very well, sir. But I'm afraid you will have to pay up front for such a meal."

"Sure," Chase pushed the bill towards him, "this should cover it."

The waiter's eyes widened slightly at the sight of the money, and Chase gathered that he had been expecting him to turn up empty so he could run him out. Admittedly, he wasn't acting particularly normal today. It had been a stressful week, after all, and he had some steam to let off.

Blame that pesky worry that he was in someone else's body. For longer than he should have been anyway.

Oblivious to his thoughts, the waiter set down the coffee and snatched the bill, holding it up to the light for several seconds. He knew that real money had watermarks that appeared in direct light… much like the money in his hand. Slightly disappointed (it was always sort of fun to catch counterfeiters), he left to tell the chefs of Chase's order.

Chase smiled in relief as he sipped his coffee: It _had _been real, it seemed.

At least it wasn't all bad.

He frowned. Ok, there was so much bad that this tiny bit of good was even _more _insignificant than it would have been any other time. But… who knew, maybe this was normal. Maybe it had been an easily repaired malfunction and he'd be back home in the next second or two.

He paused for a second or two.

…Or maybe not.

Chase sighed, leaning back to wait for his food. As bad as things were, at least he was going to have a great meal. Moreover, there was the warm fuzzy feeling that came from knowing that he was needed.

Chase blinked. He was needed?

He was.

He suddenly felt like he was being sucked into his own navel.

"OH NOT NO-"

And off he went!

Poor Chase. You'd think someone up there was being deliberately cruel to him.

* * *

Sailor Moon was never going to a fortune teller again. No sooner had she thought that when she was forced to gracelessly duck under the razor sharp tarot cards.

Mamo-kun was right! These guys were evil!

…Well, that hadn't been _exactly _what he said, but he'd agree with her if he saw this!

"GET HER!" cried the unearthly voice coming from the pretty woman leading the group. Even as she did, her dark hair trashed wildly and her features shifted into a green skinned ghoul.

See? Fortune tellers demons. Be wary, children!

"Why do they always have a mob?" Usagi whimpered when her possessed classmates rose to the youma's call, their skin greenish and eyes glowing.

Sailor Moon ducked and ran for it, "WAHHH…! STOP IT!"

Umino-zombie dove for her ankle.

"NO!" Usagi cried, kicking him away even as more swarmed in. "Don't any of you get any closer! You'll ge-"

"GOD DAMN IT ALL!!"

"Who goes there?!" The youma cried in shock, turning.

Chase stood there in his 'outfit'. If he had been paying attention to details, he would have noticed that the music machine remained broken. However, he was too enraged to pay attention to such minor details. He had some bones to pick. "NO! SHUT UP, YOU STUPID YOUMA! Oh wait, you have a name, don't you?! I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING INCONSIDERATE!"

"…It's Bam actually…" The startled youma stammered.

"OH IT IS, IS IT?! WHOPDIE FREAKIN' DO! I CALL YOU YOUMA! YOUMA!"

"But-"

"YOUMA!"

"Hey-"

"YOUMA!"

"I-"

"YOUMA!"

Both the zombies and Sailor Moon had stopped to watch the exchange in confusion.

"YOU?!" The girl finally managed.

Sailor Moon realized she shouldn't have drawn attention to herself as Chase homed in on her. "QUIET! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A DAMN MEAL! THIS DAY SUCKS!"

Sailor Moon looked to be in the verge of tears.

"NONE OF THAT!"

Chase ignored everything else and rushed over to one of the vases in the corner, took one of the roses from it and then sent it flying.

_CHUK!_

"OW! MY EYE!" Bam cried, holding her face. "YOU HIT ME IN THE EYE!"

"DON'T CARE! I'VE DONE MY FLOWERY THING! I'M DONE!" he faced Sailor Moon, the girl flinching under his glare, "AND YOU! GRAB YOUR STUPID TIARA AND KILL THE THING ALREADY! AND STOP BEING SO NEEDY THAT I HAVE TO SAVE YOU ALL THE TIME! GOD! I'M LEAVING!"

Then he stormed off.

Sailor Moon exchanged nervous glances with the zombie students as Bam mourned the loss of her eye.

"AND ANOTHER THING!"

Everyone jumped back when Chase stomped back in and towards the zombies.

"YOU!"

And then he punched Umino in the face, breaking his glasses in.

"I JUST PLAIN DON'T LIKE YOUR GLASSES!" Chase snarled, "GET SOME FREAKIN' CONTACTS, YOU MORON; YOU LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN BUG WITH THE GREEN SKIN AND GIANT GLOWING YELLOW EYES!"

He snapped towards his companions, who seemed to be trying to edge away from him.

"Tell your friends! Don't mess with… Moon Knight!" he finished dramatically. "Ok, NOW I'M GONE!"

And he left.

For the next 3 minutes, no one moved, wondering if he was coming back.

When he didn't, Sailor Moon reached out for her tiara nervously.

And while she finished Bam, we join the wheezing Chase, running as fast as he could in the direction he thought the restaurant was. His Tuxedo Mask outfit was already fading back again.

"Gotta make it, Gotta make it, Gotta make it, Gotta make it, Gotta make it…!"

* * *

It turned out the restaurant had been quite the distance away. It would have been impressive feat for the range of the teleportation, but right now it was… staggering.

A waiter from the restaurant looked up as Chase came to a stop in front of him, using his black cane to keep from falling down. It had once again been the only thing in the outfit that hadn't vanishes to whereever ether the rest came from.

"Damn…" he wheezed, "if I had known… it was so far… I would have taken… the bus…"

Strangely enough, the waiter was actually the one that had attended him. He looked surprised to see Chase.

"…I thought you pulled a reverse dine-and-dash for some reason…" The waiter muttered.

Chase shook his head, "n-no… family emergency…"

"Oh… Well, we ate your meal, you know…"

"Can I get a new one… or something?" he asked.

The man looked uncomfortable, jingling the keys in his hand. "Sorry, we are closing. And you were gone for over an hour…"

Chase made a low growling sound.

"Hey man," the waiter said, holding up his hands and backing away from the crazy guy with the cane, "it's company policy, not my call!"

Chase finally got his breathing back in order, his shoulders slumping. "…My life sucks."

"Geez, what a whiner."

Chase's eye snapped back up the waiter and frowned.

Staring at him, he couldn't put his finger on it, but something was… off. He was carrying himself differently. And spoke differently too.

"It's me. Hans Benjamin," the waiter grinned.

Chase stared blankly.

"…The bearded technician, Mister Carlson," Hans elaborated, rubbing his forehead. "Geez, you never even bothered to remember me?"

Something sparked in Chase's mind at the words. "You are the guy from FIT that set me up to the machine!"

"I just said that, idiot." Hans muttered with a roll of the eyes.

For the first time, he was glad to hear the man's lack of manners as hope filled him. "Ok, great! What's going on? And… why do you look like… you used the machine to swap bodies with this guy?"

"Wow, you are not that dumb then, are you?"

"Forget it! Just… why aren't I back yet?"

Hans raised a brow. "Why would you want to leave this place?"

"Because I don't feel like being some airhead's _cheerleader _when I was supposed to be the Man of Steel!" Chase snapped with understandable heat.

"…Ah," Hans nodded. "Damn… my superiors were hoping you'd want to stay."

Chase's glorious hope vanished to be replaced by terrible foreboding, "…why?"

"Ah, well, there's the small problem of you being dead," the possessed waiter replied, avoiding Chase's eyes.

The boy suddenly felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water down his shirt, freezing him to his spot. His mind went rigid as he tried to grasp the words, failing miserably.

"B-but…" Chase choked out, still feeling disoriented, "I-I don't _FEEL _dead…"

He barely made out Hans' words through the fog that was his head, "Not _you_, you idiot, your body! Right after you left the machine fried itself and you had a damn aneurism! Do you know how close we were to being done? That's ten years of work in the toilet because of you, you twit!"

Something hot flared in the back of Chase's mind, but he felt too lost to understand it, "…a-and what does that mean? For me?"

"Whatever the hell you want, I guess," Hans shrugged. "The original occupant of that body died with you, and without a donor on this end, there's no way to bring you back."

Mamoru is dead? Huh…

"…I'm stuck here?" Chase finally asked directly.

"Basically," Hans admitted.

"And I'm never going to see my friends and family ever again," Chase stated, gripping his cane to the point his knuckles were white.

"That's about the size of it," Hans confirmed.

Chase stood there and stared at him. He wasn't sure what kind of look there was on his face but apparently it made Hans nervous as he took a step back.

"Hey, we gave you compensation!" he pointed out.

That made Chase pause, "…compensation?"

"Monetary compensation."

"Where?" Chase asked tiredly. "Do you have it with you?"

"We already gave it to you, you idiot."

"Huh?"

"…The 10,000 yen, moron! What, did you think someone would just leave that on the ground? We left it for you," Hans explained irritably.

"…10,000 yen," Chase repeated, the white, hot spark roaring once again and this time recognized.

"Yes."

"That's like 90!" he snarled.

Hans blinked. "Is that really how Japanese money works? Damn. You were supposed to get 10,000,000 yen at first, but I thought it was an oversight and took out three zeros. Guess it wasn't as much as I thought."

Forget recognizing, he was embracing that flare for _ALL _it was worth.

"…Give me the rest and get out of my face," he snarled.

"No can do."

Chase looked at him.

"Hey, you took the 10,000 yen!" Hans said defensively. "You already accepted it, we don't have to up our offer any more! It's basic business law, my friend."

Chase wondered why he felt so calm.

"I am going to kill you," he said simply, lifting his cane.

Hans took another step back and smiled nervously. "And _this _is why I programmed the possession to only last five minutes! Enjoy your new life!"

Chase stopped at the words, everything collapsing on him at once.

"…I need a drink."

"HA!" Hans grinned, "I knew you college students were all the sa-"

**CRACK!**

_Thud._

"Ow!" Chase complained, shaking his hand violently. He glanced at Han's current (and unconscious) body and his new broken nose. "I've owed you that for a while now."

He looked around. Nobody had seen it.

Then he looked up at the sky, and at the first stars forming in the new night.

"…Looks like I'm Mamoru Chiba from now on."

He almost shuddered, but instead crouched down and took 'Han's' wallet.

"So… How about that drink then?"

And then he walked off into the night, searching for a bar.

* * *

"Hans Benjamin," Slothsoul muttered, glancing to the side. "Nice fake name. Clever."

"'e wiet," Bobcat growled and held the icepack to his nose, "'uu neu 'e wa' gan duu dad, 'int uu?"

"Now that's just silly, Bobcat," Slothsoul drawled, "How could I possibly know that he would, I mean, we let him have his free will, right?"

"…uu neu."

"That I did," Slothsoul leaned back with a lazy smile and yawned. "He knows he's trapped. Now the real entertainment begins."

Bobcat just let out a grunt of agreement.

The clock is ticking.

What comes next?

* * *

To Be Continued

End Part 4

_SLOTHSOUL: _I'm pretty sure everyone knew from the beginning that he would be stuck. Kinda easy to see. Anyway, I'm gonna go draw some stuff relevant to the fic, I'll give links when done.

Psychologically speaking, Chase is reacting like a normal person would. So he has no murdering tendencies, just the righteous anger to fuel the desire.

See ya next chapter.

(To Trey Miller:) It's an interesting idea. I'll see if I can find a way to plausibly sneak it into the mess that Bobcat and I already have planned, but it's a far-fetched chance.

BobCat: And let's all give Slothsoul a round of applause for writing this thing pretty much single handed. But five is gonna be all me, baby!


	5. Chapter 5

The Adventures of Tuxboy

**The Adventures of Tuxboy!**

By BobCat and Slothsoul

**Chapter 5: The First Day of the Rest of Your Life.**

* * *

Chase said to himself, "Define Murphy's Law. Murphy's Law says that if the local drinking age is 20, and you really need to get drunk, your body will be freaking 19." He was sitting on a park bench alone in the dark. He didn't know what time it was. He didn't care.

He took a sip of a soda he had purchased from a vending machine. He remembered reading that you were supposed to be able to get anything from panties to beer in Japanese vending machines. He had found three of the former but none of the latter. So, he was drinking what appeared to be a root beer. He didn't recognize the brand. Not bad stuff, though a bit sweeter than what he was used to.

Of course, Chase had bigger things in his mind than comparing sodas. But he really preferred to think about sodas rather than his real concern.

"I'm stuck here."

He was still having a hard time wrapping his brain around that one. It was such an enormous concept made up of so many horrible little facets. It didn't seem real.

Maybe it would be easier to understand it if he broke it down into its parts?

"I will look like this forever. I will never see my friends again." More bite sized, but still too large. "All my years of school don't mean jack. Those grades and honors belong to a dead man in another world." That made him a little angry. No, that made him pissed. He had given up a LOT for his grades and now it wouldn't matter.

_For God's sake, Mom basically force fed studying habits and goals into me and it's all just gonna go down the drain?! That's… that's just not fair…_

There. That idea established a beachhead. And it brought up another point as well: "You will never see your home again. Not your dorm at school, not Mom's house, not Dad's house." Nostalgia washed away his anger.

Time for the big guns. He figured it was like taking off a bandaid; the faster the better. "You will never see Toby again. You will never see Dad again. You will never see M-m…" He choked up a bit at that. How would she respond? She had worked so hard for him all these years… and he was dead because he just had to volunteer for a stupid medical experiment. It hadn't even been that big a paycheck!

There it was. The lynchpin of the denial. He had to get past it. He felt his throat seize up. _Press on. Tear off that bandage._

"You will never see Mom again…" That did it. That brought waves of denial flooding into his mind… denial that shriveled up and died under the harsh light of logic.

And then that big picture that had been inconceivable became conceivable. His old life was gone. All he had were 20 or so years of probably faulty memories.

_Belonging to a guy that would have had been HORRIBLY picked on in school if he had been born on the western hemisphere, no less…_

So, what was he supposed to do next? Should he live Mamoru's life according to the script? Should he strike out on his own? Did he even want to keep doing anything superhuman?

After a long silence, he finally made up his mind.

"Gotta be cane sugar instead of corn syrup. That's gotta be what makes _all _the difference."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the dark realm known to idiot dubbers alternately as the Negaverse and the Negaforce, hereafter to be referred to as the Dark Kingdom!

Jadeite hated his job sometimes. When he really got down to it, he had a hard time listing any perks. No vacation, no overtime pay, no pension plan…

"What is this nonsense about a real estate agency, Jadeite? You are wasting your resources on nothing!" demanded Queen Beryl.

And the management could probably do with some sensitivity training. Or, if he was feeling particularly cruel, a bag over its head. _Seriously, she used to be a looker, but falling to the dark side has done NOTHING for her looks. _

He steeled himself slightly and reminded himself that he would have to break down every last detail of his plan for Beryl. Talking to her was much like talking to a child… except most children had an innate curiosity, whereas Beryl was a vain moron. "You see, my Queen, the laws regarding land have changed since the old days. Rather than all of the land be run by nobles of some sort, there is private ownership. Social rank has nothing to do with it; it is simply a matter of money."

Beryl's eyes narrowed. "You are doing that thing again… that thing where you talk to me like I'm a stupid child. Stop it right now, or you will regret it."

Jadeite blinked. He usually did a better job at hiding his obvious disdain for Beryl. He reinforced his poker face slightly before continuing, "My apologies, my Queen. Anyhow, I have long range plans to draw energy from the humans by playing on their desires."

"Such as?"

"Well, take my operation with the fortune teller. People are inherently nervous about the future. I give them a false certainty and steal their energy. That sort of thing."

Beryl's brow furrowed. "I know that much! You explained it at the last meeting! What is this nonsense about a real estate firm?"

"While setting up the fortune telling racket and while planning some of my other operations, I hit upon some snags. Mainly, it is hard to get a building on short notice. To do so magically would waste valuable energy needed to reawaken Metallia, and there is a lot of paperwork to sort through if I use human money to buy the land. I do not have the time to go through a mountain of permits and documents every time I set up a new energy draining operation. So, I set up a false identity, hired some employees and established a real estate firm under my direct control."

"And how will this help us gather energy? Will the land that is sold be cursed somehow?" She sounded confused, yet oddly proud of herself with that last question, as though that was obviously the solution.

"No, my Queen. The company is entirely ordinary. It will sell and rent land to the humans as well as keeping a few key sites free for our operations. Also, it will help us establish a supply of money. It will draw less attention than simply manufacturing everything magically."

"So then… it will not gain us energy… but it will not cost us energy?"

Jadeite felt like smacking himself in the forehead. He resisted the urge. "That is one way of putting it, my Queen."

It seemed useless trying to explain how this one operation would make everything that came after it possible. Beryl had been a minor Countess during the Silver Millennium, and she still brought that small-mindedness and focus on immediate profit to everything she did.

Beryl nodded, believing that she finally understood. "Very well, Jadeite. Play this game if you must. But if it begins to interfere with your main operations, you will disband it immediately. Am I understood?"

Jadeite suppressed a scowl. _You stupid cow! This "game" is about to pave the way for the invasion! And you dare speak to me like… _He let his smile drop.

She smirked, believing that she had outwitted a rebellious underling.

"Understood, my Queen."

* * *

"Define Murphy's Law. When I want a nice dinner, there will be a youma attack. When I want a something to punch, there will be no trouble." As he made his way up the stairs to Mam… his apartment, Chase still had no idea what time it was. Well, besides time to buy a watch. Mamoru's money was his money now, after all. He wasn't a guest any more.

This thought depressed him and gave him a faint glimmer of hope at the same time. After all, he might be trapped… but he now had the prospect of wearing pants made of denim again. And possibly a shirt without buttons.

Chase observed that if THAT qualified as his silver lining in this situation, he was easier to please than he thought. Or he was in a world of crap.

Chase opened the door and was a bit surprised by what he saw. For one thing, Sailor Pluto was still there. He had honestly expected her to give up or track him down.

For another, she was fast asleep on his couch.

_Weird… everything I've seen of her would make me think that she'd be more formal. It's sort of weird to nap in someone's apartment when they aren't there… _Then he took stock of what was actually in the apartment. _No TV, no magazines, some old textbooks… I knew this apartment was boring, but DAMN. It put Pluto to sleep and her whole job is spending hours upon hours observing things!_

Now what?

Chase considered just telling her to leave. He was in no mood to entertain company. Particularly uninvited company.

Then he had one of his patented attacks of manners. No go. He was mad as hell, but it wasn't HER fault.

Plus… she had been terrifying before, when he thought he was in danger of being erased from existence. But fast asleep? The expression on her face made him think that she didn't get to rest all that often. He didn't want to interrupt that.

That, and she was smoking hot. Hey, Chase was only a human male.

_Now what? _Well, the first thought that occurred to Chase was that her uniform looked awfully cold to sleep in. So, he got the blanket off of her bed and draped it over her.

And then he left again. She was cute asleep, but he distinctly remembered that she was terrifying when awake.

* * *

Later, on the roof of Chase's apartment building!

The idea had come from his musings on Murphy's Law. Why should he have to wait for Usagi to get in trouble to use his superpowers? He felt like going out and distributing some justice to vent his frustrations. It was his right as a superhero, after all.

The only hitch was… he had no idea how to go about using said superpowers. He had felt a mild rush when he had gone out as… Moon Knight. He was not Tuxedo Mask, nor had he ever been.

He did not feel that rush now. And it wasn't just because it was two in the morning (he had checked while in the apartment). He felt one way as Mamoru and another way as Moon Knight. That feeling was power, and if he was going to ever have any control over his destiny, he had to figure out how to transform at will.

Unfortunately, he had no earthly idea how to do it. The real Mamoru had not been very proactive. At least, not on camera.

Hence the rooftop. He wanted some privacy.

Chase hefted the cane. He could only assume that it was the equivalent of the various broaches/pens/doodads that the girls had, since it was the only part of his Tux… Moon Knight gear that didn't disappear. Also, the girls' power was voiced activated. Based on these assumptions, his transformation phrase should be…

"Tuxedo Power! MAKEUP!" He posed dramatically.

There was a long, pregnant silence.

Nothing.

_That's okay. I have others… _

"Tuxedo Planet Power! Makeup!"

"Tuxedo Prism Power! Makeup!"

"Tuxedo Cosmic Power! Makeup!"

Yet more nothing.

Chase bit down a curse. _Unless I figure this out, I'm screwed._

_Wait, I've been calling myself Moon Knight… maybe that's the change!_

"Moon Knight Power! MAKEUP!"

Still not right.

_It's probably still keyed to think of me as Tuxedo Mask. I'd better switch back to that. _Chase pressed on.

"Tuxedo no Jutsu!"

"Gum Gum no Tuxedo!"

"Tuxedo Mask! Maximize!"

"IT'S MORPHIN' TIME! BLACK TUXEDO!"

"By the power of Greyskull! I HAVE THE POWER!"

"This hand of mine glows with an awesome power! It's burning grip says WORK YOU STUPID TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE!"

After going on like this for about five minutes, all Chase had to show for his efforts was a sore throat.

"Damn. It. To. Hell." He wheezed. "Of course it wouldn't work! I'm not a freaking Sailor Senshi! Prince Endymion was just some earthling. Just wonderful! I…" He paused. "Just some earthling…"

He steadied himself and posed again, lifting the cane high above his head. "Earth Prism Power! MAKEUP!"

Chase, and many others over the years, had mocked the Sailor Senshi for taking forever with their transformation sequences. Assuming that they had any control over the speed of the change, he now understood why they wouldn't want to speed it up.

It felt wonderful. He hadn't noticed when he was teleported, largely due to the whole 'being pressed into his navel' thing. But the transformation sequence felt like… he had a hard time finding words for it. The best analogy he could come up with was it was like wearing clothes a couple sizes too small his entire life, then finally being given something that fit properly.

Now if only the proper fitting clothes looked cool. _One thing at a time, Chase. _He stood there for a moment, enjoying the rush. Then he said, "Well smart guy, you know how to turn your powers on. What now?" He looked over at the neighboring buildings, which were about the same height as the apartment complex. He wouldn't have tried to make the jump before transforming, but the way he was feeling now...

Chase smirked. "What now? I do what any self respecting superhero would do." He took a running leap and was soon bounding from rooftop to rooftop. "I go on patrol."

* * *

Chase had always hated wandering around aimlessly.

He was discovering, though, that he loved roof hopping around aimlessly. He had been at it nearly an hour and the novelty still wasn't wearing off. There was just something about hurtling through the air like a roller coaster minus the cart…

"I am NEVER taking the bus ever again, that much is for sure." He came to a stop on top of an office building and looked out over Tokyo. The blinking lights of the city glittered like a sea of trapped stars. Even though it was something like three in the morning, there were cars and trucks winding their way through the streets and the odd pedestrian.

It was oddly peaceful.

Well, except for that odd pedestrian who was getting pulled into an alley by a group of fellow pedestrians. The fellow pedestrians did not appear to be friendly.

Chase adjusted his tie and whipped out his cane. "Showtime." A few leaps and bounds later, he was looking straight into the alley. A man dressed in a business suit was being pushed around by five punk kids in ratty clothes. A sixth, older punk stood back. He was a sight to behold; he was wearing a white disco suit and had a ridiculously large pompadour extending from his head. Or at least, most of a pompadour; it looked as though it had recently been sliced in half He also appeared to be the best armed of the bunch, wielding a boken.

The armed man leveled the wooden sword at the businessman. "Good evening and welcome to the Happy Place 2! My name is Wooden Sword Ryu, and I will be your host tonight!" He gestured to an old table and a couple of orange crates. "Have a seat, please! You have the honor of being Happy Place 2's first guest!"

One of the punks said, "Hey boss, what're we doing?"

The pompadoured man smirked. "A Happy Place can't just have the same people in it all the time. It must grow and expand by infusions of new blood. That's what I realized five minutes ago! Now, have a seat and get comfortable! I want to know what you like and don't like. The Happy Place 2 is always looking to improve!"

The older man said, "Wh-what? This is just some damn alley full of damn garbage!"

Suddenly, the businessman had the boken pressed to his throat. In reality, this was a very small threat inasmuch as the boken was blunt. He was mostly in danger of a bad splinter. Ryu said menacingly, "You're ruining the new Happy Place's vibe. We just lost the last one to that punk Yoh. We aren't going to let you ruin Happy Place 2."

The businessman was, by now, absolutely convinced that his captor was insane. He had been expecting to lose his wallet, and instead some disco samurai was going to stab him with a blunt weapon. That sounded ineffective, painful and probably both. _That's the last time I let a deadline slip and work late… _

Everyone involved paused when a small object whizzed by Ryu's head and embedded itself in the opposite wall.

Ryu blinked. "A tulip?"

Chase posed dramatically on a nearby fire escape, next to a flower pot that was now short one flower. He had a one liner ready. All he was waiting for was for somebody to look up and say, 'Who's that in the fire escape?'

One of the punks gasped. "Boss, I think those ghosts are mad at us again!"

Chase facevaulted. Pretty well for his first one too!

Ryu snarled, "Go away, dead guys! I'm not using your graveyard anymore! Stop haunting Happy Place 2 already!"

The businessman said, "Ghosts?" He was now even more convinced that his captors were insane.

"YO! IDIOTS! UP HERE! I THREW THE DAMN FLOWER! ME! MOON KNIGHT!" Chase was becoming less and less enthused by this whole thing. He was still mad as hell, but the prospect of whooping ass seemed less fun if that ass was too stupid for proper wordplay.

All seven people in the alley looked up at once.

There was a long pause. Finally, one of the punks said, "Hey, I bet it was him!"

Chase smacked his forehead. "That's it. You guys don't get witty banter anymore. You've proven that you aren't worth it." He leapt from the fire escape, landing about twenty feet down. He let out a grunt when he landed, but his powers kept him from getting pancaked. _Note to self: don't fall from twenty feet again. _

Ryu smirked. "What's the matter, get lost on the way to prom?" Chase saw a couple gang members snicker and exchange high fives at this.

"Nice one, boss!"

Ryu said, "Stop brown nosing, Yuuki. You're still just number four in the gang."

"Damn."

Chase said, "Nope, sorry, too late to make up for it now. I'm just gonna beat you into the ground."

Ryu frowned and took a step forward. "Nobody takes Wooden Sword Ryu lightly! I…" He stopped when a large clump of black hair fell past his eyes. "Wh-what?"

It was Chase's turn to smirk. "Thanks for growing your hair into that big target, by the by."

Ryu fell to his knees, grabbing the clump. "M-my pompadour…"

Chase brought his cane into a ready position. "Yes. Yes it **was **your pompadour. Now it's a drain clog."

Ryu glared daggers at Chase. "My… POMPADOUR!" Ryu was on his feet again in an instant, sword swinging.

Chase dodged each blow, though he felt like each stroke was coming closer than the last. _I can barely feel that rush… what the hell? I better end this fast. _He lashed out with the club, catching Ryu in the side of the head with everything he had.

Ryu stopped the onslaught instantly. "Not… again… another Happy Place… ruined…" With that, he collapsed in a heap.

In an instant, there was panic in the ranks of Wooden Sword Ryu's gang.

"The boss!"

"He knocked out the boss!"

"We gotta run!"

Then, there was a loud, "QUIET!" The oldest of the gangsters stepped forward. "The boss got knocked out, but look at this guy. He was movin' fast a minute ago, and now he looks like he's gonna collapse!"

The group instantly went from panic to triumph. Mob mentality is a funny thing.

"Yeah! He's not so tough!"

"He's just some guy in a tuxedo!"

"Whatsamatter, you late to prom?"

"That's the boss' line, Yuuki. Shut up."

Chase frowned. _Note to self. Villains are a superstitious and cowardly lot. Get a costume that will strike fear in their hearts. Or at least, a costume that they won't laugh at. _Now he was starting to get worried. The rush was completely gone and all at once, his legs felt like rubber. Or rather, like they had been propelling him up to twenty feet a leap for an hour straight. His right arm, which had a nerveless grip on the cane, felt like jello after that strike.

_Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go looking for trouble before figuring out my limits. Well, live and learn._

_Hopefully._

"Get'm! We'll give him to the boss as a gift when he wakes up!"

Chase tried to raise the cane into a defensive position. He was only modestly successful. "B-back off… I beat Ryu and I'm gonna…"

"He's bluffing, boys! Charge!"

It's funny what you notice in a crisis. Chase's attention wandered for a split second before the gangsters reached him and he noticed that the businessman was long gone.

_Ingrate. _

Chase had heard that time seems to slow down when adrenaline hits. He closed his eyes as the five men loomed over him, waiting for the impact.

It didn't come. When Chase opened one eye to peek, he saw the five men frozen in mid charge. He could see a stream of spittle frozen in place on one's lips as he screamed soundlessly.

He quickly concluded that this wasn't the work of adrenaline. "What the?"

There was that smell of ozone again.

"Thanks for the blanket."

The only thing that kept Chase from jumping out of his skin was the fact that his legs were on strike. Instead, he turned his head to see Sailor Pluto standing behind him. "Oh, uh… hi? Thanks? You're welcome? I'm not quite sure what you're doing here." _Very articulate, Chase. _

"Saving you from your hubris, mainly. That was stupid, going into a fight without knowing your limits. Also brave. But mostly stupid." She walked up so that she was standing abreast of him. She gave him a once over. "You look like hell."

Chase would have objected to that… but if he looked like he felt, that was putting it mildly. He looked down and noticed that the costume was once again fading away. "Uh…"

Her expression softened ever so slightly. "We need to talk, but again, you look like hell. You won't be much good for conversation since I know for a fact that you've been up for about 36 hours and used your powers twice in that time. I don't need you falling asleep part way through."

Chase meekly said, "Okay, uh…" He was being a little thrown by Pluto's switch to being less in his face. _I think it's time to admit that I just don't know how to talk to women. _"What now?"

"I'd say get ready, but I also know you haven't had a good meal in about as long as you've been awake. No danger of you vomiting when I do this."

"Do wha…"

He really, REALLY hated teleporting. His exhausted legs finally gave out as his inner ear said, "Screw you guys, I'm going home."

"Oh. That."

"Yes. That."

Chase was face down on his shag carpet, so he couldn't see it. But he was convinced that Pluto was smirking at him. He heard sounds of high heel clad footsteps and rustling cloth over by the bed.

Finally, Pluto said, "Can you stand?"

"Um… let's check… not really."

Pluto grabbed his left hand. "Try again." With her help, he was able to get back onto his feet well enough to stagger and collapse on his bed.

"Thanks." He rolled over as best he could. "So um… you wanted to talk?"

Now he had confirmation. She was smirking at him. "Well, Mr. Breakfast King, you're going to need a proper meal in you before you transform again. I'll be back when you wake up and we can do something about that."

"Ah… okay? Should I call you?"

"No, I already know about when you'll be awake. Time Gate and all that."

"Oh. That's only… SORTA creepy…"

"Good night, Mamoru." Chase smelled ozone again and in a blink, she was gone.

Chase snuggled into his pillow. Sleep sounded nice. Maybe a week's worth or so.

Before he drifted off, one thought occurred to him.

Sailor Pluto had just asked him out on a breakfast date.

…this was either awesome or an unmitigated disaster.

To Be Continued!

* * *

End Part 5

_SLOTHSOUL: _Gotta love Bobcat's charm. Or lack of it.

Wooden Sword Ryu © Hiroyuki Takei


	6. Chapter 6

The Adventures of Tuxboy!

By BobCat and Slothsoul

**Chapter 6: The Good Samaritan Strikes Again!**

At the Tsukino household…

Luna purred happily from her perch on Usagi's windowsill. "Ah. A sunbeam and an expensive feather pillow that I'm going to ruin by shedding and clawing. What else could a cat ask for?"

Luna tried to ignore the sounds of a loud wail coming from the bathroom, followed by frantic footsteps that came ever closer. _Maybe she's running into her brother's room?_

The door burst open, revealing a hysterical, towel clad Usagi. "LUNA! I'VE GAINED TWO POUNDS SINCE YESTERDAY!"

Luna lazily opened one eye. _No such luck. _"Keep it down, Usagi. Your parents are going to send you to a nuthouse if you keep talking to me like this. Remember our talk about inside voices?"

Usagi was on the verge of bursting into tears. "B-but Luna! I've gained _two pounds_ since yesterday!"

"You're 14. You're still growing. That sort of thing will happen."

Usagi ignored this sage advice and dressed herself in a grey sweatsuit with pink highlights. She assumed what she imagined to be a badass pose (it was too cutesy to really qualify) and grunted at the mirror. "Not anymore!"

Luna rolled her eyes and started silently mimicking Usagi, as though she'd heard it all before.

Usagi didn't notice. "From now on, I'm going to go jogging every morning before school! Just you watch Luna, I'm gonna be so hot that Mamo-kun will be all over me, no matter how shy he is!"

Usagi didn't wait for a response before dashing out the door.

Luna closed her eyes again and put her claws into the pillow. This wasn't really related to fighting the forces of evil, so she decided to let Usagi's weirdness be. _And there you go again. You'll get tired just in time to hit the donut shop for a couple of éclairs. _Luna shifted her weight again. _That speech always wears me out. I think I'm going to have to destroy two pillows to__** really**__ relax._

The observant reader will notice that at this point in the fic, Luna has known Usagi for about 5 days. That really says something about ol' Meatball Head, don't it?

* * *

Some time earlier.

Chase woke up to discover that he was not having a long, unusually lucid dream. _So much for that hope. _

He got up and stretched. He was feeling a lot better than when he had gone to sleep. _Weird… I should be half crippled from sore muscles after the way I felt last night. Maybe it's a healing factor… or else strain from when I'm using my magic doesn't last long. Or most likely I don't _

_have enough information to make an educated guess. I wonder what the hell is going on. _He mentally added that question to the long list of questions he had about his new condition.

His stomach, now thoroughly empty, growled angrily and insistently. _The Moon Knight needs food badly! _

Out of habit, he went to the cupboard for a cup of noodles. And then he remembered the more surreal aspect of last night.

"Setsuna said she'd let me know where to find her when I woke up…" He glanced about the room and quickly noticed a yellow post it note on the cupboard. "It's like she knew that was the first place I would look. Then again, she claimed to know exactly when I'd wake up." This was… disturbing. He read the note.

"Mamoru-

As the Time Gate told me yesterday, you woke up at exactly 10:37 AM and found this note two minutes later."

A quick look at the clock confirmed this.

"Anyhow, as you agreed last night, we need to meet up to discuss your strange behavior and its impact on the timeline. I am currently at a small café on 10th and Pine St. You will arrive at exactly 11:27. I have taken the liberty of ordering what you would have ordered anyway, and it will have been on the table for exactly 37 seconds before you arrive.

See you then,

Sailor Pluto."

Chase stood there in stunned silence for a moment.

"… I have to wonder why she's bothering to even HAVE this discussion, seeing as how she has to know what I'm going to say already." For a moment, his rebellious side proposed that he just skip the meeting. His stomach vetoed this notion. After all, if Sailor Pluto wanted to lecture him, there wasn't much he could do about it. At the very least, this way he might get a free lunch out of it.

A quick vote of the various organs was held, and the stomach won out thanks to its powerful voting bloc in the digestive system. Plus it liked to bully all of its smaller companions, along with his scheming partner, the genitals.

Chase sighed. "I'd better shower off… I didn't get a chance last night and I smell a bit funky."

A little voice in his head said, "Don't bother. It's not like you have a shot in hell with her."

"Shut up, self doubt."

He paused.

"… am I having arguments with myself?"

* * *

Even later still, a freshly showered and dressed Chase was en route to the café mentioned in the letter. Waiting at a street corner, he glanced at a nearby clock. "Hah! I'm two blocks away and it's only 11:10! I'm going to get there early and prove her little Time Gate wrong! Take that, destiny!"

And then he heard ragged breathing and loud footsteps. Before he could think about it, his reflexes kicked in and he leapt out of the way. He rolled into a crouching position and blinked. "I didn't know I could do that…" He instantly recognized his assailant. "Maybe I'm developing a Spider-Sense for teens ramming me from behind."

Usagi was, by now, thoroughly exhausted. She leaned against a lamp post and struggled to catch her breath. "Must… run… must… lose… weight..." She glanced over. "Oh! Mamoru! I wasn't expecting to run into you!"

Chase sighed. _So much for sneaking away before she saw me. _"Oh, good morning Usagi. I see you're out… jogging?" _Must be about time for the gym episode._

Usagi no longer felt like death warmed over. _Mamo-kun first thing in the morning is better than coffee! _She gave a quick bow. "Good morning! And yeah, I've been trying to get into shape."

Chase said, "Um, can I ask what brought this on? You don't strike me as the type to go jogging."

Usagi frowned. "W-well, um… I…"

Chase blinked._ …What's with this random horrible feeling of foreboding?_

"M-Mamo-kun, there's this r-really cool ice-cream parlor that just opened up…"

…_Then go there if it's so cool._

"And my friends tell me it's great! They have all this flavors and all-you-can-eat challenges that you can take and eat for free-NOT THAT I'VE EVER DONE THAT! I don't eat so much, but… I just… heard it from Molly! And…"

_That's great, why are you telling me about this? What does this have to do with my question about your jogging?_

"And I was just thinking about it and, and do you like ice-crea—of course you do, everyone does! And if you do… Well, you do, I was just thinking that maybe…"

…_WAIT._

"I-I mean you are probably too busy but I just thought, since you are so nice to me…"

…_OH MY GOD!_

"…I have these two coupons, if you'd like…"

_FLY, you fool!_

"Oh wow, look at the time!" Chase shouted loudly, startling the girl in mid sentence. "I'm quite late for the… important thing! I'm sorry Usagi-chan, we'll catch up later, ok?"

Usagi looked properly guilty at the declaration, "Ah! I'm sorry, Mamo-kun, it just that... erm, would you like to go-" Her mind was still struggling to comprehend. _Usagi-CHAN? He DOES love me!_

Although Chase had access to the mind of a native Japanese speaker, he did not have all of the necessary etiquette and social mores down.

Her look, though, gave him enough warning of what was going on in that meatball-head of hers. "SAY, have I told you I'm lactose intolerant?!" Chase all but shouted. "It's something I like to tell _friends_, you see! So my _friends _would know in case something happens! 'Cause you are my _friend_. So, as my _friend, _you should know dairy kills me, _**friend**_!"

A look of horrid dawning shone in the blonde's face. "OH! I-"

"Say, there's that important meeting I'm late for! Gotta go!"

To say that Chase sprinted away is unnecessary.

_Geez! When did she develop the nerve to be so forward?! I should have been mean to her as Mamoru too!_

"Wait! Mamo-kun!"

…Usagi was keeping up. Maybe she was naturally fit? Or maybe it was all that running to school she did…

"Er… Bit of a hurry! Sorry!" Chase replied, picking up the pace.

"Can we slow down a bit?" Usagi whined as she ran alongside him despite his best efforts.

"NO! I-Jogging! Good for cardio!"

"You must really like exercise, Mamo-kun…"

"Yeah! Exercise! That's me!" _God, I'm short of breath already and she doesn't even look winded! Give up already!_

"Oh… Well, you know, there's this new gym that just opened up, it's really good! My teacher went there and she lost like five kilograms in a week!"

"T-That so? I'll have to go sometime!" Chase felt ready to collapse.

"I'm going tonight! You can… come with me, if you'd like…"

Something told Chase she wasn't flushed due to fatigue.

_Ack… _"I-I… I might be b-b-"

"Or we could just jog together in the mornings! It's fun, right?" Usagi continued, not having heard him.

"THE GYM!" Chase rasped out. "We can go to the gym tonight!" _The lesser of two evils. This I can turn into a one-time thing._

"Oh. Ok!" Usagi replied cheerfully… Then blushed, to Chase's chagrin. "A-And afterwards, maybe we cou-"

"OH MY GOD, IT'S SAILOR V!" Chase screamed, skidding to a stop and pointing in a random direction.

"SAILOR V? WHERE?!" Usagi shouted, looking.

_Success! _The boy cheered, preparing to leave her behind.

"WHAT?!"

"Gah!" Chase faltered in surprise at the outburst that came from the blonde girl in the school uniform matching Usagi's.

She looked utterly flabbergasted.

"B-But," Minako Aino stammered, "how'd you-?"

Chase stared. _…You gotta be kidding me. She should still be in England! What the hell!?_

"Oh my god!" Usagi squealed. "You're Sailor V?!"

"Uh…" Minako started, looking panicked. "Yes?" She blurted. In her defense, in her career as a crime fighter, Minako had never had anybody just blatantly call her Sailor V in public. It was… stressful, to say the least.

Then Usagi tackled her with a hug. "Wow! Sailor V!"

"Ack! Leggo!" Minako had no idea how to deal with crazed stalkers in sweat suits. _Where the hell is that stupid cat when I __**need**__ him?_

Chase just kept staring. He'd hoped for a distraction… "…I'll take it!"

Then he ran off.

It took him 4 blocks to remember something important.

"…Wait, the café's the opposite way! ARGH!"

Then he turned around. _Then _he ran off.

On the way back, he dashed by the same clock as before.

"11:25?! GODDAMNIT!"

Then he kept running.

* * *

Pluto leaned on the table, enjoying the quaint atmosphere of the restaurant. It was a smallish family run place, Jiro's. On the rare occasions she let herself leave the Gates of Time, it was her favorite hangout. Nobody important went there, so her potential to disrupt history was minimal. 

Plus, the food was good. It irked her that that had to be secondary, but such was the lonely duty of the Senshi of Time.

"Twenty-eight… Twenty-nine…"

The waiter, who had put down her absent date's food a moment before, turned back around. "Is there a problem, Miss?"

Pluto smirked. "Nothing. Just timing something out. Let's see." She caught back up with the pocket watch in her hand. "Ah yes. Thirty-four… thirty-five… thirty-six…"

_**SKITZZZZ--!**_

"Thirty-seven," Pluto finished, snapping her pocket watch shut. She looked up to the chair in front of her to find the ragged-looking boy she was waiting for panting heavily. The waiter looked surprised for a moment, then silently excused himself back to the kitchen. Her instructions had been, after all, to leave the private room upon her date's arrival. Though if you asked him, this sweating guy was damned lucky to have a woman like Setsuna.

Both would have been horribly embarrassed to know of such thoughts. She bit back her amusement and said, "Good morning, Mamoru."

"…S-Setsuna," Chase wheezed in return, eying the scrambled eggs and French toast on the table. It was a strangely nostalgic sight, which reminded him of lost steaks and lobsters.

Pluto frowned slightly at that, but then again, she _was _in civilian clothing right now (it would be impractical to be sitting around eating while in senshi uniform), so yes, 'Setsuna' was acceptable.

"See?" Setsuna said. "Thirty-seven seconds on the dot."

Chase sulked as he sat down. "I tried to get here earlier… but I'm sure you already know all about that."

Setsuna shrugged. "Oh yes, definitely. I know all about your run in with Usagi. She certainly seems to think the world of you."

"Yeah. I'm just lucky Minako came along as a distraction."

Chase certainly did not see Setsuna spray water out her nose. Nope. The cool, dignified Senshi of Time most CERTAINLY didn't have it in her. That water on his face must have come from elsewhere. As he cleaned himself off with his napkin, he said, "Ah, so THAT'S why you bothered to have this conversation with me. I can still surprise you." He went about the task of eating, just in case Setsuna got irritated and kicked him out.

"Wh-what's this about a Minako?" She really hoped that he was talking about a different Minako. It was a reasonably popular name, right? Maybe? That was the one problem about being away from the Gate… it put her on the same level as everyone else.

"Darndest thing, really. I ran into her trying to get away from Usagi to meet up with her. I sorta accidentally told Usagi that she was Sailor V."

"You WHAT!?"

Chase raised his hands defensively. "I was trying to distract Usagi! Honest! I didn't know that Minako was even back from England!"

Setsuna stood, bumping the table. In an instant, the Time Staff was in her hand. She was still dressed in her civilian clothes, so Chase wasn't in danger of a Dead Scream… he hoped. She leveled it threateningly at Chase. Obviously, she practiced with it a LOT. _Then again, what else would she have to do? _"Tell me how you know that."

He swallowed nervously. "Know what?"

"Any of it! Your Silver Millennium memories might tell you my name and give you some details about your past. But the modern day Minako Aino being a Senshi is NOT one of those details, much less her damned travel itinerary!"

Chase kicked himself mentally. _I've played enough Dungeons and Dragons to know how to keep in character and out of character knowledge separate! Stupid stupid stupid! And blowing it with what, my second sentence!? ARGH. This is why reality needs save states. _"Well, ah, would you believe psychic powers?"

"No incarnation of you, past, present or future, has the sort of psychic potential to get that knowledge. I want the truth now."

Chase sighed. _So_ _much for keeping things quiet._ "Setsuna… I think you'll want to sit down for this."

* * *

Minako Aino looked on in stunned amazement as Usagi scarfed down another doughnut. It was the fourth in as many minutes.

Usagi paused, looking at her new friend with confusion in her eyes and a donut halfway to her mouth. "What?"

"I was just thinking… you're so lucky! If I ate that much, I'd gain weight so fast!"

Usagi looked at the donut in her hand, then put it back down on the plate. Minako thought that she looked… betrayed?

"Oh, I can't eat like this! That's why I was out jogging." She looked ready to cry. Again.

Minako was starting to wonder if the strange girl was bipolar. Certainly not somebody she wanted to be in on her secret identity as Sailor V. Not that there was anything she could do about that, thanks to that strange older boy.

How had he known!? She wore a mask and everything! Had Katarina or Alan betrayed her secret? Had they been captured and interrogated? Was he with the FBI? KGB? MIB? MOO? SHIELD? UNIT? H.A.T.E? Torchwood? (Oh, she _hoped _not, she had had enough of those guys and their horndog squad leader. He had hit on her _and _Alan!) COBRA? Or maybe he was one of the mysterious enemies that she'd chased to England in the first place?

She blinked. In her short career, she'd managed to come across THAT many secret organizations? It hadn't seemed like so many until she thought to list them. This whole international superhero thing was a lot more complicated than she'd expected.

But what she did know was that this strange girl was probably her best bet at finding that boy again. Plus, she wasn't too bad to spend time with. She seemed oddly familiar, like they'd met in a past life or something.

…

Nah, that would be silly.

"Minako-chan? You're being sorta quiet." Usagi glanced over at the clock and interrupted before Minako could answer. "Oh! We should get going! All of the shops on main street are gonna be reopening from their lunch breaks. Then we can go to the gym with Mamo-chan and then we can hit the arcade and play the Sailor V game!"

Minako blinked. "There's a… Sailor V video game?"

"You didn't know? It's super fun! You get a gun and everything!" Before Minako could object, Usagi had her by the wrist and was pulling the surprised girl out the door.

_Man, this girl's flighty. I'm glad I'm not like that._

* * *

Elsewhere…

A white cat glanced at a clock in the park. "Minako should have been here an hour ago! I swear, that girl is so flighty."

* * *

"And that's how I wound up here." Chase was concerned. He'd expected Setsuna to be angry. After all, he had basically just told her, 'Hey, I messed with destiny and helped kill one of your allies so I could make some money.' He could have dealt with that. Who knows, he might have even been able to take a Dead Scream.

The reaction of the Senshi of Time was disconcerting. She hadn't grown angry. If anything, any show of emotion had stopped shortly after the story had started. She had come to this meeting with a smug certainty. She had reacted with shock and anger when he had blabbed the secrets he knew. Now… she was unreadable. She sat there, not having lost her grip on the staff.

"Is that all?" Her face showed no emotion, but her voice certainly did. It quavered slightly.

Chase winced. "Ah, yeah, pretty much."

"Well. This is certainly… interesting."

"So, you believe me?"

"Mamoru… or should that be Chase? No, I'll stick with Mamoru, since that's obviously who you are now." Chase winced again. He didn't like where this was going. "Honestly, that story is too stupid to be a lie."

"I'll grant that. So… what now?"

"Mamoru, there is a level at which I will admit that I'm disgusted. Stealing another man's life for… spending money. Even if it was not permanent, it would be reprehensible."

"Now wait, I'm just the guinea pig…"

"You got to talk. It's my turn. Anyhow, I am disgusted." That hit him… hard. "I am, however, a pragmatic woman. This can be overlooked. Play your part. If you have watched this TV program that featured us, then you know damn well what that part is." That seemed to be the part she had the hardest time with, but reciting an abridged version of the next three anime arcs had done a lot to convince her. "Be mean to Usagi in person. Be nice to Usagi in costume. You can go ahead and call yourself Moon Knight. The name Tuxedo Mask is not terribly important. What is important that you will someday be Usagi's husband. Get used to the idea."

"But… I don't want to." Chase wished that he had a bigger reason or a more compelling argument, but he didn't.

"You don't want to? You're a selfish man, Mamoru. Do you think I WANTED this job? Do you think destiny just happens?"

"Well, yeah. That's what destiny means, doesn't it?"

Setsuna ignored this comeback and continued. "I have been working for 10,000 years to make sure that Crystal Tokyo exists and is strong. For that to happen, things have to proceed in a particular order. You are doing an excellent job of messing up that order. Minako is supposed to meet Usagi LAST, not FIRST. Stop it! Do what you are supposed to!"

"I can't do that. I'll help. I'm glad to help. But I won't live another man's life."

"Then there will be consequences. I hope you enjoyed your lunch." And with that, she was gone, leaving behind a scent of ozone.

Chase finally let out his breath. He hadn't realized he was holding it. Staring down Sailor Pluto was SCARY. He looked down at the table and noticed that Setsuna had left behind a small pile of yen. It looked like enough to cover his bill.

So, what was he supposed to do? Standing up to her was one thing, but did he want to live up to his boast? Would he give in? After all, she could… she could…

And then it occurred to him. She didn't dare touch him. If Mamoru Chiba was vital to the natural order, then Dead Screaming him was out of the question. All she could do was talk tough!

Chase smirked. "Nice try at the intimidation there. I'm living my life as I see fit."

The waiter came in and looked surprised to see Chase by himself. Not too surprised, though; that green haired woman always tipped well, but he never managed to catch her leaving. "Ah, sir, are you done?"

Chase's grin broadened. "Of course! It was great! Give my compliments to the chef." He started to leave.

And then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Sir, there is the matter of payment."

"Ah, there it is right…" The stack of bills was gone. It occurred to him that boasting out loud may not have been a good idea. "Crap."

* * *

One complete emptying of Chase's pocket later!

Tokyo's ambiguously camp district! A hive of scum and villainy!

No wait, that's Tokyo's Mos Eisley District. Let's start over.

Tokyo's ambiguously camp district! It's simply fabulous!

It was an elegant place known for the efficient and friendly vibe one would get upon entering. It was also known for the topnotch quality of its clothing shops.

Chase hadn't realized what he was getting into when he showed up there, a couple of garbage sacks in hand. He had just found them in the phonebook under "fine clothing shops." While he was certainly not a homophobe, (or at least he didn't think he was…), he was a bit put off by the 

vibe of the district. He wanted to get in and out as soon as possible. "I'M HERE TO TALK BUSINESS!"

The middle aged man blinked as Chase dumped a couple of large trash bags on the counter. "…That's nice, hun, but this isn't a dump."

"What?" It was Chase's turn to blink. "No, I'm here to sell these."

"…You come into my shop and insult me?" The man asked, slightly irate.

"Huh? Look, I'm just trying to make a couple of bu-"

"Because this isn't a junkyard either, you know! You can't just drag you trash in here and expect me to _pay-_"

"Why do you keep mentioning garbage-related issues?!" Chase finally demanded. Then he eyed the bags again. "OH! No, wait, no no. I wanna sell these."

Then he opened them… revealing the contents of his entire closet.

The shop-owner beamed as he started going over the clothes. "But these are simply _FABulous!_"

"That's the fifth time since I've gotten here that someone has used that word like that. Is there something in the water?" Chase muttered under his breath as the man looked over the clothes with a critical eye.

"Well, what's wrong with them?" He finally asked.

"Huh? Nothing, I don't think…" Chase started.

"Oh come now, why else would you be selling me these beauties? Makes me feels all flustered to be wearing these rags," The man said sheepishly, looking down at his perfectly average looking t-shirt and blue jeans.

"Oh. Well, it's not that they're bad… Well, I guess you were right with your garbage comments before, I'm just trying to get rid of them, and I figured I might as well make a couple of bucks… Why am I telling you this? Suffice to say, I no longer wish to own them. Do you want 'em or not?!"

"Now don't get all bothered with me!" The man drawled mischievously. Chase cringed. "Oooohhh…. These are nice… Silk! _REAL _silk! Oh by the maker… Look at that… Niiiice… Ok, hun, I'll give you…" he glanced at the bunch of it, "¥55,200."

Chase's mouth hit the ground.

"Oh come now, I wouldn't cheat you like that. ¥55,200 _each_, of course."

Chase's expression didn't change.

"Don't look at me like that, you should have known better, you know. If you had kept them tidy, I would have given you double, but you went and ruffled them on that bag! So all you get is ¥55,200," he finished firmly.

_CRASH!_

"Holy-! Are you ok, luv!?" The man said, rushing over.

"FINE! Fine! Just woosy! Wild night yesterday!" Chase stammered.

"Oh, one of _THOSE_ huh?" The man grinned knowingly.

"Why must everyone assume I'm gay?" Chase moaned.

"Honey, you are in the gay district, have tons of silk clothing and there's no way your eyelashes could be that curly without you having had to work on them."

"My eyelashes—what!?" Chase asked, jumping to his feet and checking on a mirror. The store seemed to be full of them. "Oh he didn't actually—Of course he did. Stupid Mamoru."

"Scorned Boyfriend?" The man asked understandingly.

"Would you stop putting words in my mouth!?" Chase snapped. "…Can I please get my money now?"

"Oh sure, hun."

"Thank you!" He said, snatching the large wad of bills and walking out of the store. "I don't know _why _this was a good—never mind, clearly it was, what with the money—and on that, geez, about 500 a _piece_? And not even all I could have gotten? How much money did he _spend_ on clothes? No wonder he lives off ramen noddles! Maybe Mamoru was actually loaded or something… was he? Can't really recall… And oh my God, is that a hand on my butt!?"

"Sorry sweet thing, couldn't resist. It looked simply _FABulous!_" A new obviously gay gentleman say, grinning suggestively.

"GAH!" Chase jumped back, feeling entirely too violated. "I can already hear the countless of reviews raging about demeaning stereotypes!"

Soon later, he would wonder what the hell he was rambling about.

"So feisty!" The newcomer giggled. "How about we get together and discuss just how feisty you can be?"

"That's it, I'm out of here," he grumbled, turning around to leave.

"Oh poo. Looks like it's another night alone with that delightful Tuxedo-man."

Chase froze.

"_What?_"

"Oh you've heard about him too?" The other asked gleefully. "He's been spotted a few times and," he continued, taking a newspaper clipping from his wallet, "isn't he simply _FABulous?_"

"Stop overusing the word 'fabulous'!" One glance told him that it really _was_ a picture of himself in costume, albeit a fairly blurry one. "And why are you fantasizing about this guy?! He might not even be gay!"

"Oh don't be silly, sweetcheeks," Chase cringed at that, "have you seen his outfit? It's obvious he plays the other team!"

"…"

"I'm back!"

The shop owner looked delighted. "Oh I knew you couldn't resist!"

"I don't wanna know what you are talking about! Do you sell fabrics?"

"Huh?" The man blinked. "Er, yes, we do. What kind?"

"…Hadn't thought of that!" Chase admitted. What now? It's not like he'd ever designed a superhero costume before. "I could go with the standard tights, I guess…" He mused aloud.

"Hmm, that _would_ be nice on those buns," The man agreed, eying him.

"…Right, no tights," the other groaned, "just give me something that is would be comfortable and good for quick movement. Really dark colors or white only."

"Comin' right up. It'll be a bit costly though," He added as he vanished through the employee's-only backdoor.

Chase sighed, looking over his money. "I hoped I didn't have to spend it THIS soon…"

"Well, if you had another outfit to sell," the man said as he came back with the textiles, "I guess I'd call it an even trade then. I'd even throw in an extra something, otherwise I might be cheating you."

Uncomfortable coming-ons aside, Chase found he rather liked this guy; he seemed to be really honest.

"How about this one, …Jin, is it?" He asked, eying the man's nametag tugging at the collar of his own shirt.

'Jin' grinned for his part. "Sure, I guess it's fair, sideshow included. Do you plan to walk back home naked? I wouldn't complain."

"…Say, that's a nice set of clothes you are wearing."

Moments later, Chase walked out of the store donning a new and a lot less formal outfit, his purchases in a bag, his untouched money, and an anecdote he vowed never to let anyone find out.

"Finally!" He cheered. "_Normal_, albeit aromatic, clothes! I could kiss someone!"

"I'm available!" The other as-of-yet-unnamed gay gentleman declared. He seemed to have been waiting for him outside all this time.

"…Right, on with the chores," Chase muttered before taking off.

* * *

"Thank you for selling us these _FABulous _shoes! And so many pairs too! I'll make twice as much money after having some work done to them!"

"Say, that's a nice pair of sneakers you are wearing."

* * *

"Thank you for selling us these _FABulous_ leopard-print pairs of underwear!"

"Say, that's a n—WAIT A MINUTE!"

* * *

"Say, that's a nice watch you got there."

"Thank you, sir! But instead of buying this old one, how about you buy this newest model?"

* * *

"…That's probably the sensible thing to do."

"Say, that's a nice TV set you got there."

A wizened old man dressed in flowing robes nodded. "Indeed, for we sell forbidden objects from where men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt!"

This seemed… familiar. Little did Chase know that the shop wasn't in the ambiguously camp district anymore, but instead was in the bordering twilight zone district. "Uh… Is the TV one of the forbidden objects?"

"Who knows? I'm also a seller of bargain electronics." The old man said mysteriously. "But if you do take it, beware. It may carry a terrible curse."

"Uh, I won't then, that's bad," Chase replied.

"But it comes with a free frogurt!" The old man added.

"Well, that's good…"

"The frogurt is definitely cursed."

"That's bad."

"But you get your choice of toppings!"

"That's good!"

"The toppings contain potassium benzoate."

Chase started blankly.

"That's bad," the shopkeeper finished.

"I'm leaving."

* * *

"Say, that's a nice necklace you got there."

"Oh God! Here, take my wallet! Please don't hurt me, Yakuza-san!"

"Oh, enough cheap-gags, I'm going home!"

"But home is positively _UNfabul-!_"

"I said enough cheap-gags!"

* * *

And so ended Chase's adventures in the ambiguously camp district. But that is not the last of the adventures of shop owner Jin!

Around five o'clock that night, Jin got on the phone. "Hey Shiro, how're things at the shoe shop?" Jin's voice had lost any of its stereotypical lilt.

Shiro, similarly bereft of his previous tone, said, "Alright. I just bought a buncha shoes off some nervous pretty boy. What's up, Jin?"

"Well Shiro, I was thinkin' we could go hit Hooters or something. I gotta go somewhere where I don't gotta act campy all day."

"I'll tell ya Jin, these district zoning rules are ROUGH. 'Talk in such and such a way during business hours. Harass the handsome male customers. Watch 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' if you need pointers.' You know, I don't think anyone in the whole district is actually gay?"

"Certainly wouldn't surprise me. Ah well, I'm gonna close up and meet you over at your place. Who's buying the beer?"

"I think it's my turn."

"Fabulous!"

* * *

"Ugh."

Without his ridiculous number of dressy clothes, the closet looked strangely empty.

"Sad…"

Of course, that problem was solved when he plugged in his new, small, possibly cursed TV and dumped his new, cheaper and more comfortable clothes all over the place.

"Happy!" Chase grinned, taking a bite of the frogurt. Cursed or not, it wasn't half bad. Particularly with sprinkles. "Ok, my expenses for today were minimal and laughable compared to all the money I got for the clothes—which really speaks of how much this moron spent on them in the first place—so I'm still pretty well set for the time being, but I gotta think of saving it. And I gotta come up with a source of regular income, 'cause it's gonna disappear eventually, no matter how careful with it I am…"

He flipped through the channels until he finished the frogurt and the moved over to his purchases, ready to start on his new project. The white cloth was simply perfect for a superhero costume. Or at least, it would be better than a Tuxedo.

It was then that he remembered something important: Chase didn't know how to sew, and Mamoru hadn't owned any equipment for it anyway.

"SON OF A-"

* * *

"Are you okay, Mamo-chan?" Usagi finally asked. She had cleverly hidden in the bushes near the road she always met Mamo-chan on and waited for him to walk by, ready to pretend she was just arriving so they could go to the gym together.

It had worked!

At first, she hadn't recognized him; she was just so used to his suits. So when he walked by in black sweats and a white tank top (which, to her delight, showed off his arms), it was almost a whole minute before she realized it _was _him. Even his hair didn't seem as neat or strictly combed. It gave him a slightly rugged look.

She _loved _it. But that didn't keep her from noticing that he looked a bit down.

"Huh?" Chase asked, looking at her. He had barely remembered in time that he was supposed to meet her in the gym, and idly wondered for the third time if she realized she had leaves on her hair. "Oh… No, nothing, just having a hard time with this… er, project…"

"College must be so hard," Usagi cooed, "but don't give up! You can do it!"

_Oh yes, don't give up. That will solve everything, _Chase rolled his eyes inwardly… before thinking, _wait… …geez, is this what she feels every time I tell her the same thing? Maybe I _should _be a bit nicer. Or at least more creative._

"We're here!" Usagi cheered. "Isn't it pretty? Haruna-sensei comes here all the time!"

"Yes it's-"

"HEY!"

Chase jumped at the new voice.

"It's Minako-chan!" Usagi said, waving cheerfully. "I invited her to come with us! She's also…" Usagi recalled that it was best not to mention that she was Sailor V. Even though Chase had pointed her out, Usagi had long since concluded that he had done it at random because he wanted to leave without saying goodbye. Obviously he hadn't wanted to bear the heartache of saying goodbye to his one true love.

Chase did NOT like the look on her face as these thoughts went through her head.

Usagi recovered, "She's also going to my school soon, so I thought it'd be fun to hang out! We were also talking about going to the arcade later, if you're interested." As she finished explaining, the other blonde rushed over to them.

_I wonder if this will have any ramifications with Setsuna's "don't mess with the time line too much" orders, _Chase thought as Minako greeted them both with a smile.

* * *

And on Pluto, there was much outrage.

* * *

"Okay, how did you know?" Minako hissed through her smile as Usagi ran ahead of them to fawn over the treadmills.

"Uh, know what?" He played it innocent.

It didn't work. Minako's hand clamped down on his arm before he could blink. "You _know _what! Who are you? Who are you working for? Are you one of the enemy?! If you are trying to hurt Usagi-chan, so help me, I'll-"

"Whoa—wait!" Chase stammered, cursing himself for not considering the possibility that someone would see it that way. "No! No, I'm not an enemy."

The girl's eyes narrowed. "Oh yeah? Then how did you know what you did?"

"Uh… I'm psychic?"

"Oh!" Minako said, letting go. "Well, that makes sense" then she seized again, "-wait, no it doesn't! Tell the truth!"

"Ack!" Chase yelped. _How strong _is _this girl?!_ "It's true, really!"

"I'm not going to fall for such a stupid-"

"You came back to Japan from England. You left because your one true love, Alan, fell for your best friend, Katarina. They both think you're dead, incidentally." Chase recited with finality.

"…Eep." _The only other person who knows anything about this is Artemis, and HE wouldn't blab. He must actually have psychic powers. That's… pretty cool, actually._

Chase smirked as the color drained from Minako's face. _Hah! It works pretty well when the other person isn't all-knowing!_

"Are we done? Can you please let go now?" Chase asked.

"Oh!" She did so, blushing slightly. "Sorry… I just…"

"Don't worry, that was smart, actually," Chase shrugged. "We should go in, Usagi probably won't notice us gone for a _while_, but she'll get lost on her own."

"You seem to know her pretty well," Minako replied with a smile.

Chase inwardly winced at her implication. "…You could say that."

"I wouldn't be too worried."

"I hope you aren't just here to give me a good grilling."

"Well, I haven't made any friends here yet, and she seems pretty nice. She wanted to go, so here I am. Plus, I've heard good things about Gym Shapely." Minako mentioned as she walked in.

"Really? I-" Chase trailed off.

Gym Shapely.

Wasn't that…?

"One sweat for two kilograms," a cheerful attendant was saying as they walked past him, "two sweats for five kilograms, three sweats and you too can be beautiful!"

Crap.

_Note to self: stop saying yes just to get out of awkward situations._

* * *

"Ok that's it!" Usagi yelled. Luna had been bugging her the WHOLE time that there was something weird about the gym. Too good to be true? Please! Besides, Mamo-chan was sweating…

Somewhere around the time that she had managed to perfect her subtle ogling technique, Luna had run over and bit her.

That cat would PAY_!_

"Maybe you should help her," Chase mentioned as an irate Usagi chased Luna out of the room. He was doing sit-ups as far away from the machines as possible. He didn't know if he had to be in direct contact with the machines to get drained, but he wasn't going to risk it. It was bad enough that Usagi was staring at him like a piece of meat the whole time; he didn't want the Dark Kingdom to get more out of him than they had to.

"Huh? I think she was just being silly," Minako replied from where she was riding a stationary bike. She didn't know what it was, but she was already getting a bit tired after… fifteen minutes? The Pretty Soldier Sailor V, tired after a mere 15 minutes!? Wow, this gym really WAS good for extreme workouts! "I mean, arguing with her cat?" Left unsaid was, "It's not like it can talk like my Artemis."

"Yeah, but knowing Usagi, she'll probably get in trouble. Just give her a hand, will ya? I'm getting one of my… hunches."

Minako gave Chase a long, inquiring look before shrugging and following the other blonde's path. It was, after all, best to listen to the psychic guy.

Chase stood up. "Well, that's that, then. Can I get another energy drink?"

Chase ignored the curious look he got from the bodybuilder as he took his drink, in deep thought. _Well, I remember that Tux-boy didn't appear in this episode. Does that mean I won't be 'needed'? Maybe because her opponents were controlled humans, not youmas. Those are probably easy to handle in costume_, he frowned, _when you don't run yourself ragged before trying to take on one anyway. And Minako's there! I don't see her as someone that stands on the sidelines, she'll probably help. All in all, I'm pretty sure I got a holiday-leave for today._

And then the hairs in the back of his neck stood up as a wave of something… _wrong_ swept past him. That was the only word for it… It felt_ wrong_. So wrong that he barely caught the underlying tone beneath it.

'_Get her!'_

"What-?"

And as all the bodybuilders tensed, their eyes glowing yellow.

A voice boomed over the loudspeakers. "We have trouble! Grab that guy who came in with the two blondes!"

"…Then again…" Chase muttered when the one who had handed him his drink turn to face him.

"ARRRRRRRRRHHHHH…!!" The man roared, lunging for him.

Chase dove out of the way, acutely aware of the frightened screams of the women in the gym who were now trying to get away from the zombified employees. _Damnit! The show never specified what the other mind-controlled minions were doing while those four fought Usagi! My knowledge is not perfect; I have __**got**_ _to start remembering that!_

Chase evaded another as he jumped out of the room, away from the screaming women… And then reached into the zipper at the side of his pant's leg and undid it, reaching in and taking his black cane out of the strap he'd attached to his leg.

_I knew bringing this was a good idea. Go me!_

He swung it up. "EARTH PRISM POWER! …makeup…"

The euphoria hit him instantly, washing over his body and enveloping him with power and energy. _It all sounds nifty until you consider the stupid tux. I wish I could have something cooler…_

All too soon (at least for him) it was done.

"Time to save the day," Moon Knight declared, moving back towards the door and walking past a mirrored wall.

He froze. "What?"

Backtracking, he turned to face the mirror.

He struck a pose. "…Huh."

Moon Knight grinned beneath his mask and rushed back to the door with renewed vigor.

"Well."

For the second time, he froze. He then turned to face the voice.

A good-looking blond man stood there. He couldn't have been more than fifteen feet away. He was wearing the most hideous purple and green jumpsuit Moon Knight had ever seen as he studied him with icy eyes. In one hand, he carried a glowing, white-bluish orb that pulsed with pure power.

"You must be the Moon Knight. We finally meet. I'm General Jadeite." Chase barely managed to bite down a comment about already knowing his name. Jadeite continued. "Here to give Sailor 

Moon a hand? Well, we'll have to do something about _that_." Jadeite smirked viciously and the energy pulsed slightly.

Moon Knight gulped. He wished that he was armed with more than the stupid cane…

* * *

End Part 6.

To Be Continued!

* * *

What will happen to our hero? What the heck does his new costume look like? Does he stand a chance in hell against Jadeite? What about Zoidberg? You certainly didn't think about him! The answers to some of these questions next time! Same Tux Time, same Tux Channel!

_SLOTHSOUL: _sorry about the slow update, we've both been busy, but honest it's mostly my fault. I hope you like it nonetheless. On that note, an announcement: In 2 weeks time, I start college. Adding that to Bobcat's job, our schedules will be fairly constricted, so, while this slow update is a rarity for now, when that time comes it will be common to take this long. Just something to keep in mind. I can promise you that we _will _continue though, and remain fairly consistent at that, just have patience.

We'll also probably get one more update in before my classes start, so look forward to it.

See ya next time.


	7. Chapter 7

The Adventures of Tuxboy

The Adventures of Tuxboy!

By BobCat and Slothsoul

* * *

**Chapter 7: What Would Batman Do?**

When last we left our heroes, Chase was singlehandedly staring down the grim Dark General Jadeite. And Usagi and Minako were off… say, where were they, anyway? What say we find out?

* * *

Earlier…

"GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID CAT!" Usagi was angry! Here this was her what, third date with Mamo-chan and Luna had had to mess it up! It's like she was out to make her miserable!

Which, given that Luna is, at the end of the day, a cat, is not an entirely implausible hypothesis…Sloth? HEY! What are y—STOP THAT! You-! GI--!!

Kitties are adorable.

…Right. Jerk. Moving on!

Suddenly, Luna came to a halt and spun around. Usagi kept going, slipped and fell on her keister. Crying ensued.

Luna snapped, "Cut that out! The enemy is running an energy stealing operation out of Gym Shapely!"

Usagi stopped crying. "What makes you say that?"

"Well Usagi, a kilogram of fat is composed of roughly 7,000 kilocalories, a measure of energy normally shortened to calories in everyday use. A particularly extreme workout lasting an hour might burn 1,000 calories. People come in here, work out for fifteen minutes and then leave about five kilograms lighter. What does this imply to you?"

Usagi grabbed her head. "Gah! Slow down! You know I suck at math! So… when does the train leave Osaka?"

Luna stared at the magical girl. "I could have probably saved a lot of time by just saying, 'Usagi, there's trouble afoot, transform and follow me.'"

"Probably," Usagi agreed.

There was a long pause.

"USAGI! THERE'S TROUBLE AFOOT, TRANSFORM AND FOLLOW ME!"

Usagi whipped out her broach. "Right! Moon Prism Power! Make-UP!"

As Usagi finished, Minako came running up. The emergency backup blonde's eyes widened. "What the… Usagi's a magical girl too?!"

Usagi posed. "Yup! I'm Sailor Moon! I'm a kickbutt beautiful superheroine of love and justice and… stuff."

Luna glared at her charge. "Usagi! What's the big idea transforming here in the hallway where anyone could run up and see you!?"

"B-but you said…"

"Never mind! It's too late now!"

Minako's eyes widened yet further. "A… talking… cat?"

Usagi stuck her tongue out at Luna. "See, Ms. Smarty-pants? You just talked in front of her! You're just as bad as I am!"

For her part, Luna was staring apprehensively at the other blonde. "Is she going to try to sell me and make millions too?"

Minako blinked at the comment, but decided to ignore it in favor of looking at Usagi up and down. "I can't believe this! You said you were a Sailor V fan, but I didn't think you were a copycat! Find your own costume and mascot!"

Usagi thought this over. After carefully weighing her alternatives and rationally pondering the importance of what Minako had just said, she prepared a response.

"I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO RIP YOU OFF! LUNA'S THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE PEN! I'M JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS! WAAAAAAAAH!"

Sweat dropping Ensued.

Minako decided to defuse the situation. "We can talk it over later. Your cat said something about evil, right? We'd better get to work. After all, she who hesitates is late!"

And with that last comment, all of Luna's worries dissipated. "That's 'she who hesitates is lost.'"

Minako said, "Yeah, I suppose you could say it that way too." Luna's protest was cut off as Minako brought out her transformation pen. "Moon Power, Transform!"

As Minako finished transforming, Usagi said, "Hey, you said I was ripping you off, then you go and steal my name for your codeword!?"

Sailor V assumed a fighting stance. "Me rip YOU off? I've been doing this for months now!"

The two girls were glaring daggers at each other. Luna hopped between them. "Look, I know that superheroes usually fight and then team up, but we have VAMPIRES FROM SPACE IN THE BASEMENT. THEY HAVE PEOPLE IN PODS THAT ARE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF THEM. Can you team up _now_ and fight _later_?"

"Are we allowed to do that?" Sailor Moon asked.

"It does seem like it would be all out of order," Sailor V added.

"YES. THIS ISN'T A DAMN MANGA."

"That's true, I've yet to see a single picture," Sailor Moon nodded.

"I _know!_" Sailor V agreed. "And I love pictures!"

Luna sighed and the two started chatting. At least they were chatting while jogging in the direction of evil. She found herself wishing that Usagi had found a nice, stable partner to fight alongside… instead of what amounted to the Earth 2 version of Usagi.

Elsewhere, Ami Mizuno sneezed, excused herself with a comment about allergies, and went back to reading.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Jadeite sipped a cup of coffee as he made his way around Gym Shapely, a subsidiary of Jadecorp Ltd. Things were shaping up nicely; he had made a lot of startup money by patenting a few Silver Millennium devices that the Dark Kingdom had in storage, and was now stinking rich. J. Dite was even starting to attract some attention for his supposed inventive genius and his daringness as an investor. After all, he had started how many businesses within the last week? A romantic pleasure cruise, a talent agency, he had bought out an old amusement park… He had even made the last cover of Businessweek. Moreover, the energy was just flowing in from Gym Shapely where people were quite literally killing themselves slowly to look good. He was sure there was some sort of social commentary in that… but he didn't care.

In short, things were good. Which, in HIS experience, meant that things were about to go very very bad.

And then he felt an energy disturbance somewhere in the building, followed shortly thereafter by another. And then one of his employees burst through a nearby doorway; if Jadeite recalled correctly, it led to the observation room. "Mr. Dite! We have a problem!"

"What?" he asked with a weary tone.

"You remember how you said to tell you personally if a young girl started talking to a cat while throwing around magic?"

Voice still weary, Jadeite said, "I recall my orders. What of it?" As though he didn't already have some idea… but he could hope.

"You need to see this. We have two of them."

Jadeite groaned as he followed. "Two? Really? Are you sure there isn't some mistake?" This was not what he wanted to hear. At all.

Yup, there they were. In all the black and white, soundless glory that his security system could provide. They had already made their way to the basement. Mind controlled body builders were already attacking.

The employee frowned. He had never noticed the large, energy gathering devices before. Unlike the trainers, the security guard was not mind controlled. After all, Jadeite wanted SOME personnel to be able to think independently. "Sir, why does the basement look like a set from a bad sci-fi movie?"

"I will double your salary if you stop asking questions like that."

"Yes sir!"

Jadeite scanned the security cameras. "Did you see them come in?"

"Yes sir. Two blonde girls who came in with some older guy." He tapped a few buttons, zooming in on Chase. "I don't recognize any of them, and I checked with the front desk; they didn't get their names."

Jadeite suddenly stiffened as he looked over Chase's face.

"Sir?"

"I want you to shut off all of the security cameras. You will take all of today's footage, save it for me on a disc, then delete it from the hard drive. You will put the disc in a security envelope and mail it to me at the corporate office. All employees are to leave the building immediately, save for the personal trainers. The personal trainers are to go to..." he paused, taking a moment to see where in the building Chase was, "room 402." Jadeite went to leave.

"Where are you going, sir?"

"Remember your promise about questions." Jadeite left the security room, and the orders went out over the loudspeakers. Once he was out of sight, he teleported to Chase's location in a swirl of energy. As he did so, he smirked. "It's been a long time, my prince."

* * *

And so, we catch back up with the present.

Chase assessed his situation as Jadeite made standard bad guy banter. He was alone facing off against a villain who had been brought down more by overconfidence than lack of power or talent in the "real" series. His energy reserves had recovered slightly since the night before, but as far as he could tell, he had maybe five minutes of high grade use before they sputtered out. Not that he was likely to NEED five minutes of power; he suspected that he was going to die before that became an issue. All he was armed with was the cane, and there were no convenient decorative flowers around to throw. A quick look around the gym revealed that the five or so bodybuilders were more than content to stand back and watch their boss go to work, which meant that he was outgunned AND outnumbered.

On the plus side, at least he wasn't wearing the damn Tuxedo anymore. His new, far more comfortable and loose-fitting outfit was largely dominated by white, with some areas grey and a rare black here and there: His pants were loose enough for freedom of movement, but not baggy as they ducked under outward elaborated shinguards, decorated with peculiar runes on their edges, on top of greyish boots that seemed polished; and on top he wore a long sleeved fitted and padded shirt (probably for defense) beneath arm guards of the same design as the shin's and black fingerless gloves. On each guard, a hostler stood on its underside, and on the left, his cane rested, ready and waiting.

Covering it all was a hooded cloak, its exterior the same pristine white as most of the outfit itself, the interior was dark as midnight. In fact, much like midnight, that darkness was broken by points of white, creating the illusion of stars.

He had thought it was rather majestic looking back when he had seen himself in the mirror, and upon seeing his face, he also thought...

_...I'm Hatake Kakashi?_

Well one _might_ make that mistake (provided _Naruto _existed in this reality), as Chase was wearing a black half-face mask the fictional character was known for, along with black hair having been bleached to the purest white. It was a startling similarity, but his facial features and hairstyle were still the same, and none of his eyes were covered.

A fanboyish corner of his mind was still going over how _cool _looking like this was, but the rest of him was far more worried about the man studying him. He seemed to recognize him even with a different costume.

What was worse, in the back of his mind, he could still feel that intense sensation of being needed. He could only conclude that he had some sort of sixth sense for Usagi in danger.

He suppressed it. He had felt it enough to get a handle on it. His other five senses said he was in danger, and they outvoted his weirdo sixth sense. He needed to focus on the battle at hand.

The energy in Jadeite's hand pulsed again, taking on the shape of a sword. At the same time, the hideous exercise outfit was replaced with his grey uniform. "But enough talk!" With a swift, careful motion, Jadeite came in sword swinging.

Chase learned two things. One, his cane was harder than Jadeite's energy sword; the cane wasn't even scratched. Two, Jadeite was MUCH better at this whole fighting thing than he was. It was all he could do to keep from getting skewered.

Jadeite started the fight with a feral grin on his face, but it faded quickly. He grunted, "Is this it?" More strikes were launched. More strikes were barely ducked or dodged. "No technique, just pure reflex." He came closer and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Damn; you haven't remembered yet. I was looking FORWARD to this, Endymion." A savage slash cut into Chase's hood and was a hairsbreadth away from hitting his head. White fabric was now loose and Chase cursed.

Jadeite withdrew slightly and brought his sword up into a guard position. "Simply put, as you are now, you aren't worth it."

Chase blinked at this, then barely ducked beneath a swipe from Jadeite's sword. _He knows? But the Dark Kingdom didn't learn that Mamoru was Endymion until… GAAAAH. I'm starting to think Setsuna may have had a point. _

Chase noticed that Jadeite was becoming less efficient. Chase was still evading, but by wider margins. _He's underestimating me… which, well, he's right to do. I can't keep this up too much longer. But he's also getting sloppy. Which means I can try… THIS!_

"Power Pole, extend!"It was one of the cane's sillier powers, but Chase wasn't in a position to question it. The cane grew a good two feet, whacking Jadeite in the stomach. This took the General by surprise, and he stumbled back towards the mirrored wall. Chase followed this up with a still greater extension, which smacked into the polished glass. Jadeite cursed as shattered glass pelted him.

Chase was about to smirk and make a one liner about that "You're not worth the effort" crack (he was leaning towards, "Am I worth it now?"), when the bodybuilders charged straight at him. Jadeite seemed content to let Moon Knight be softened up for him. Instead of making a witty comeback, Chase leapfrogged over the head of the first to come at him.

And still that annoying voice in the back of his head was saying that Usagi needed him.

_Shut up! _He was irritated that he couldn't silence that Usagi Sense. _She needs help, I need help! Everyone needs help! One problem at a time!_

And then a little voice in the back of his head said, "_We're trying to escape ANYWAY, right? And what happens when you give in to it?"_

Feeling foolish, Chase teleported away, much to the surprise of his opponents.

Jadeite growled. This whole operation was going to pot. He snarled, "What are you looking at you idiots? Get to the basement right now! That's where those damn Senshi are!" As musclemen went into action, Jadeite opened a rip in spacetime and stepped through it. He was needed in the basement. Endymion, this so called "Moon Knight," was probably already there.

Jadeite grimaced before he stepped in. He was needed in the basement, but he had glass shards to pick out of his back. He swore as he stumbled, and he could see green blood flow down his sleeves. It wasn't much… but the reborn Endymion had proven himself dangerous, and Jadeite refused to fight him at less than his utmost. As he stepped through and prepared to summon a youma, he made a mental note to start wearing battle armor more formidable than grey paramilitary dress uniforms.

* * *

Slightly earlier, in the basement…

A half dozen young women and girls floated in energy gathering pod that looked like something out of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Dark energy flowed across them, pooling in a collection pod above. From there, it was funneled directly into the Dark Kingdoms' 'coffers.' A few bodybuilders, eyes glazed over, were on guard.

And then two blonde girls in short skirts burst in, mooncat in tow.

Sailor Moon posed. "Villains who would use the insecurity of girls!"

Sailor V posed. "Villains who would use the insecurity of girls!"

Both stopped.

Usagi whined, "Sailor V! We agreed I'd do the speech!"

"No way. You're the rookie. I'll show you how it's done!"

"But that's not FAIR! I was fighting these guys first!"

"Hah! I was in England fighting them for a year! You can't say you fought them first!"

"Those were YOUR bad guys! These are mine!"

"Oh yeah? Well… you're too pudgy to do the speech!"

"WAAAH! SAILOR V'S BEING MEAN TO ME!" Usagi started crying. The jewels set into her hair flashed bright white, sending the sonic attack out once again. The bodybuilders, Luna and Sailor V all groaned and covered their ears.

And then it stopped. Usagi stopped crying, opened her eyes and then her face turned beat red. There was a handsome man in front of her. _Ohmygawd, he's HOT. He's my ideal man! He's… holding the jewels from my hair?_

"No more magic jewels for you, Meatball Head. You've abused the privilege." Moon Knight pocketed them and spun around.

Usagi's heart sank. "Oh. It's you. What's with the new costume?"

Minako blinked. Who the heck was THIS guy? Was he single? Was he on their side? (It occurred to her that her priorities were out of whack.)

Moon Knight shrugged. "I felt like a change. Now, since you two are busy bickering, I'LL just make the stupid speech." He assumed the classic Sailor Moon speech pose. "Villains who would tease the overweight with promises of miracle cures! I am the Moon Knight, and in the name of Khonshou, Lord of the Moon, I shall seek vengeance!" He dropped the pose and brought the cane into a defensive position. "There. Speech said, now it's time to finish this fight!"

Usagi said, "Hey! That's my pose!"

"I don't see a copyright on it. Now, go, Sailor Moon and Sailor V! I'd say believe in yourselves, but hey, no big. We're just dealing with steroid crazed zombies. Piece of cake. And now, I take my leave…"

And then a hole opened in spacetime.

Sailor V said, "Cool, you can make wormholes?"

The color drained from Chase's face beneath the mask. "Um, no. Can't say I can."

Sailor V frowned. "Oh. Then this is bad."

A feminine arm holding came through, followed by a youma. She was, as they all were, not quite human looking. Her theme seemed to be… baseball? Not entirely appropriate for a fight in a gym, but Jadeite had been in a hurry. She actually looked more human than most, aside from the green skin and long, elfin ears. She was clad in a baseball uniform with the number "00."

Chase deadpanned, "Yeah, that'd be a fair bet."

The Youma whipped out a ball and bat. "PLAY BALL!" She tossed it in the air and sent it at the assembled heroes with the impact of a cannon. All three scrambled to get out of the way.

And so the battle was rejoined.

Sailor V was cool under fire. "CRESCENT BEAM!" The youma snarled angrily as the laser burned its right thigh.

Then she glanced up. "Hey, I bet THAT'S important. CRESCENT BEAM!" And so, the energy storage device exploded in an impressive fireball. The drained women were still trapped, but the black lightning no longer played over their prisons.

Usagi was… less cool under fire. She screamed and bolted when a gigantic muscleman charged at her.

Considering she was a young girl and he outweighed her by three times, this was understandable. So, Moon Knight didn't press the issue.

Chase muttered a curse as he clubbed the bodybuilder. His energy reserves wouldn't permit him to fight for too long. "So, a youma and a couple of minions. Not too bad."

Luna said, "Hey! These men are being mind controlled! If you break those bands on their heads, they should turn back to normal!"

"What are you basing this on?" Chase asked.

"I recognize the technology."

"Really. Do you remember where this technology is from?"

"Um… no."

"Okay. YOU'RE a reliable source of information."

Usagi looked up from her cowering position. "Hey, he has a point."

Luna's eyes widened. "Um…" She had nothing.

Chase chuckled. "No worries, I recognize the technology too. It's old Soviet tech. KGB issue. Take them out."

Nobody seemed to question his bluff. _Huh. I seem to have their trust. I'll have to make a point of keeping it. _

Usagi seemed to finally realize that she ought to be contributing to the fight, if only because she wasn't about to let Minako show her up. "MOON TIARA ACTION!"

The tiara flew out and struck one of the mind controlled minions in the forehead, shattering the band and knocking him out. Chase had expected this. What he hadn't expected was for the tiara to then bounce off and hit the remaining three just as skillfully before returning to her hand.

Usagi posed and Chase couldn't really fault her for the stupid grin on her face. "Hah! Who's a rookie stupid meatball head now?"

Chase clapped her on the shoulder. "Nicely done. Where'd you learn that?"

"I've always been good at Frisbee." She seemed a bit embarrassed by the praise. _Maybe he isn't so bad after all. I mean, he is being helpful…_

"I bet you think you're done now, right?"

"Um…"

"PLAY BALL!"

A baseball flew right over her head. The shockwave undid her pigtails (their structural integrity having already been damaged when Chase took the jewels away) and her hair, now free, made an audible "fwumph" as gravity took control. "Hey! Do you know how long those take to do!?"

"Situational awareness, Meatball Head. Learn it."

Her growing appreciation for Moon Knight died a swift death. "Stop calling me Meatball Head! My name is Sailor Moon!"

Sailor V was already on it. "Sailor V Kick!" The bat was knocked from the youma's hand. The beast grabbed its wrist and muttered curses in a language Chase didn't recognize.

Chase said, "Hey, there's your cue, Sailor Moon."

"Stop that! My name's Meatball Head!"

"If you insist."

Usagi blinked. "GAH!" Feeling a need to take her wrath out on something, she called out, "MOON TIARA ACTION!"

"Play Ball?" It looked up just in time to get bisected by the tiara. With a flash of light and a scream of "PLAY BALL," the Youma was moon dusted.

"That seemed like a lazy fight..." Sailor Moon muttered.

"This whole day has been kinda lazy if you want my opinion; as if the forces of the universe did this in a rush and distracted by other, possibly college-ish, matters," V mused; before turning towards the scene before her. She blinked. "What is he doing?"

"He likes to poke the piles of dust left behind," Sailor Moon whispered.

Chase let them continue their idle speculation. He was hunkered down, observing the quickly fading pile of "moon dust." He idly wondered if they were actually transformed into moon dust, or if it was just a euphemism for everyday ash. No way to know that. It was, after all, mostly gone after less than a minute. _Something that short lived must be unstable. I hope it's not some sort of radioactive isotope. _He wondered how he had the energy to hang around. When he'd shown up, he had barely had the strength to stay standing, and now he felt fully refreshed. _This battle stuff is oddly invigorating… today only… okay, that can't be it. Weird. I wonder if…_

Chase's thoughts were interrupted as Minako said, "So, um, do you know if he's seeing anyone?"

Chase's eyes bulged. He was glad he was facing away from them. Obviously Minako was underestimating her volume.

Usagi grimaced. "Barf! Him, with a girlfriend? I bet that perverted jerk couldn't get a date to save his life!"

Chase's face fell as she struck a little close to home. He was glad for his mask.

"Nevermind that," Luna mewled, jumping becoming the center of attention, "who are you anyway, Moon Knight? You're always helping us with no given reason! How do we know you are not the enemy!"

Chase pointedly ignored Sailor Moon's sudden 'eep!' before retorting, "It took you two missions for you to finally wonder about that? And what about her?" He nodded at Sailor V, "Not worried about her, are ya? I call sexism."

"Luna!" Sailor Moon gasped, aghast.

The cat rolled her eyes, "I'm not sexist, Usagi, he's just twisting my words!"

"Hey, don't drag _me _into this!" Sailor V glared at Moon Knight at the same time.

"It was ju-"

The sirens started blaring in the distance. All three froze.

"Oh no!" Sailor Moon gasped. "I should check on Mamo-kun! He could be hurt!"

Then she ran off.

For his part, Chase suddenly realized he was growing more attuned to his powers... In the fact that he could _feel _his costume receding away into whatever ether it came from. Hastily, he turned to Sailor V.

"Right, 'till the next fight then," he nodded, "help her out a bit, will ya? She's pretty much all over the place."

"She's not _that_ bad," V replied, a tad defensively, "she's just not used to it. But did you see her dealing with the minions? It wasn't just luck, she's got talent. Loads of it. Hell if I tell her that though."

Moon Knight stared at her for a full five seconds, before nodding, "well, you've got your work cut out for you. Good Luck."

And then Sailor V was alone.

"Kami, why didn't I stay in England? Good old England with its reliable disasters that didn't make me feel old by giving me an apprentice to pass on my teachings to. I could still be hanging out with the Doctor... Geez, why did I make such a big deal of him calling me 'Rose' all the time?"

And then she too was gone.

* * *

"Wow, Mamo-kun! Getting pinned by falling weights that knocked you unconscious the whole time we were gone! That's amazing! And not a single injury too!"

The trio had 'reunited' shortly after a quick costume-change and, after unanimously deciding they didn't want to stick around and make the 10 o'clock News, had sneaked away from Gym Shapely to avoid dealing with the police.Idly wondering what excuse they would come up with for what happened as he walked back home with the two schoolgirls, Chase answered smoothly, "Only as equally amazing to you and Minako-san getting locked in one of the lockers accidentally, Usagi-chan. I didn't even realize they were big enough to fit one person, let alone two."

"Um, er," Usagi stammered, "w-well, they did! Like I said, we were looking for a... a... a b-book!"

"I thought it had been a water bottle."

"A book _and _a water bottle! Yes, that's the ticket!" Usagi promptly amended. Unseen by her was Minako, who was rubbing her temples in exasperation, making Chase think that it had finally dawned on her just how much work was ahead of her.

"Funny you should bring a book to a gym," Chase was rather amusing himself.

"W-Well, I-" Usagi sputtered, looking around widly.

"Oh look, an arcade!" Minako cut in loudly.

"Oh wow! Let's go play, I can show you that game!" Usagi yipped, dragging them both before Chase could protest.

* * *

**In the darkness, watching them...**

**The foolish brat, getting too close to his prey.**

**Oh she would be his, there was no doubt. Time, he always had time... **

_**Come closer, tasty pigtailed treat... **_**He noticed that for some reason, her hair was unusually loose though, **_**it doesn't matter... she's still my prey...**_

**The stupid boy would learn soon if he got too close. Nobody takes what's his.**

**And oh, he was watching... he was always watching... always involved, always there, ready...**

**Only a matter of time...**

* * *

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice..."

Chase blinked at his 'best/childhood friend', "what?"

Motoki's grin just got annoyingly wider.

"...Seriously, what?"

"Two girls, Mamoru? Schoolgirls? You've been busy."

Said girls were out of earshot. Chase was greatful. He shot Motoki a look. "Are you crazy? They are just friends! ...And I use the term loosely. More like 'girls who guilt me into going places with them.'"

"Uh huh," Motoki replied, "I know you like 'em young, Mamoru."

"...And I _really _don't like what that says about me."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Motoki was about to ask about it when the two blondes rushed over, looking quite put out.

"I can't BELIEVE this!" Minako shouted, Usagi sheepishly sipping on her drink.

"What?" Chase repeated for what he felt was the twelfth time.

"A Sailor V game! They made a _SAILOR V GAME_!" She snapped, pointing to the offended machine, "I didn't authorize this!"

Motoki blinked, "Why would you ha...?"

"Usagi-chan! It'd be so awesome if you showed Motoki-san your cool skills!"

"I will!" Usagi beamed, dragging a bewildered Motoki away.

Chase gave her a sympathetic look. "You should be more careful, Minako."

"Oh be quiet, you didn't get ripped off by big corporations!" Minako snapped back.

Chase shrugged. "I suppose I haven't. I'm sure you'll get it sorted out. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

She gave him a strange look.

"What?" Chase asked.

"I keep wondering whether you're the nice Mamoru Chiba who puts on an act as Moon Knight or Moon Knight the ass who pretends to be the nice Mamoru Chiba."

Chase fell off his chair. "W-What?!"

Minako looked up at him. "Oh come on, I meet a random psychic boy and a random superhero about the same height with the same voice on the same day. I'm not dumb."

For the second time, Chase could do nothing but stare at her. "Well, _Usagi _hasn't figured it out..." he trailed off.

"Well, it's probably harder to see when she sees you every day."

"She met me the same day she met him!"

"...Ok, she's a bit on the thick side, but that's not important!"

Chase remained perturbed. _This is probably why she was introduced last, she's not an amateur like the others. She's actually pretty clever, malapropisms aside... I'm gonna need to be careful. Thank God she bought the psychic thing..._

"Hey! Are you listening?"

Chase straightened. "H-Huh?" He flinched, w_ell, at least it's not 'what' again..._

"I asked you if you know who I can talk to about this Sailor V Game thing!" Minako demanded.

"Oh," he blinked, "well the creators of the game, I'd guess. Don't know who they are."

"I'll find out," she promised.

"You seriously didn't know about your own game? It's been out for a while now."

"Only in Japan! I'd never heard of it before! Trust me, if there had been a Sailor V game put out in England, I'd have known about it!" She protested. "Using my name like that... They won't get away! I should at least get royalties!"

Chase sweatdropped, "Well you can try and take on a big corporation over the game and action figures, but I don't think it'll-"

"_Action figures?!_"

"...Oh right. Yes, there's Sailor V action figures."

"...Anything else?"

"Well, there's movies, comics, posters, tabletop games..."

Minako was twitching.

"...Energy drinks, shoes, fashion lines..."

Minako's twitching continued. Chase considered pressing on with his bullshit session with likely products (statistically, there HAD to be a Sailor V hentai game by this point), but decided to cut it short. He didn't want to give his ally a seizure, after all.

Chase finished, "You know, that sort of thing."

"..."

"Minako?"

Minako leapt up on the counter and assumed a determined pose. A mysterious wind of drama caught her hair. "I will not forgive them! Mark my words, I shall get what is my due!"

From his current position, Chase got a nice view up her skirt. He made a mental note to be more careful, since the local girls NEVER seemed to wear pants. He stood up and stretched a bit. Minako was currently ranting about the evils is capitalism and the improper use of her image and truth and justice and he wasn't sure what all else. "And that's my cue to leave," Chase grinned. "See you all later."

Amazingly, Usagi was too busy having a fangirl moment about Motoki helping her get past the Forest of Demons in Sailor V that all she managed was a, "'k, bye."

Meanwhile, at the Aino residence, Artemis frowned from his position on Minako's pillow. Where WAS that girl? He hoped he hadn't missed anything important.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Dark Kingdom

"You have failed again, General Jadeite." Beryl sat on her throne as always, looking imperiously down over her crystal ball.

Jadeite kneeled before Beryl. It was uncomfortable; his healing magics were taking time to kick in. "I'm sorry, my Queen. But this cloud has a silver lining. We have gathered much energy."

Beryl glowered. "Actually, when you summoned the youma, you used up our entire profit."

Jadeite's eyes bulged. "Wh-what? But I had a massive energy store!" _And since when does she pay any sort of attention to things like that? Someone must have told her, but who?_

"Oh Jadeite, ever the planner. But… you were never much for details, now were you?"

And then Jadeite's bad day managed to get worse. He detected a whiff of flowers and a surge of dark energy off to his side.

Zoicitewas at his side in an instant. "I bet you just ran away from fighting that Moon Knight and assumed that you were fighting morons."

Jadeite said, "What are you talking about?" _What's SHE doing here?_

"Did you miss when Sailor V destroyed your storage?"

Jadeite smirked. _Oh, is that all? _"That's no problem. The energy will still be there. Once the police are gone, we can go in and gather it up."

Zoicite said, "Tsk. Again, details. That energy is gone."

"WHAT? Where did it go?"

Zoicite shrugged. "Something absorbed it."

Beryl cut of Jadeite before he could protest. "Given the obvious problems you're having managing our enemies, I am officially moving Zoicite to active duty. You are still in charge, but she will report everything you do to me."

Jadeite winced. "Y-yes, my Queen." _Oh hell._

* * *

End Chapter 7

To Be Continued!

_SLOTHSOUL: _No news, college being as time consuming as expected, and I apologize about that, delays mostly my fault anyway. I did a short sketch of Moon Knight (costume and all) And I'll scan it at first chance, hopefully the next chapter will have a link for you to see it. And then the next a link to the inking, then colors, and so forth. Figured it'd be a nice easter egg. Look forward to it and the next, likely late, update.

For those who care, this was apparently Sailor V's transformation phrase in her solo manga. Put simply, to get this fic right, I have done a lot of research (e.g. read a lot of fansites and Wikipedia, watched 100+ episodes and whatnot) and now know a lot more about Sailor Moon than any man should. So, you guys are gonna get to enjoy the nuggets of my useless knowledge. Now Face Front, and get back to the fic!- Benevolent BobCat

Readers may wonder, why is Zoicite a woman? That will be answered… eventually.


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